u/KeyAd809

I'll be starting 11th commerce this year. If my dad refuses to pay my 11th standard fees, then there are only 2 choices left for me. One, delay 11th by another year and make money so I can pay for my fees, and two, suicide. First choice will kinda hit my ego since I'll be studying with students 5 years younger than me, while second will completely free me as well as everyone around me of me, my bad behaviour, etc.

I can't ask any of my relatives to pay my fees because it'll be quite stupid and come off as entitled to ask someone who doesn't know me as much as my parents do to pay my fees just so I don't remain a 10th-pass forever. And it's not like my dad will just decide to not pay my fees just because he wants to. He might have his own reasons. Like he has to pay for my younger brother as well (who just passed 10th grade and will be starting 11th science this year), the fact that I have hurt my dad emotionally & verbally and even once tried to hurt him physically, and the fact that I always try to quite the moment something gets hard.

He put me in diploma in mechanical engineering (in 2022), but guess what I did? I became depressed and wanted to leave just because I was having thoughts about killing people after a guy cussed me, even though he didn't. I somehow continued, gave exams of 1st semester and scored ~74%. I only had one backlog in the 2nd semester, and I told that I will continue. By the end of the 2nd year, I had 4 backlogs, and my parents even asked me every if I wanna continue or not. And guess what? I continued — and had 11 backlogs by the end of the 3rd year. There's a simple rule in diploma — if you have even a single backlog by the end of the 6th semester (i.e. final year's 2nd semester), you fail — and you can't get the diploma certificate unless you clear it. I had 11 backlogs by the end of 3rd year because of a blunder (of not filling the exam form on time) as well as not studying. I once attempted the exam, and passed in only 1 subject out of 11 subjects. I took the L.C after the result of my last ever attempt were out, and uske liye mujhe bohot kuch sunna pada.

I wanna settle in Japan or Germany or the Netherlands and never come back, but I don't know what to study after 12th as well as what stream to select. IT sector seems like a rat race where coding is all I'll do even though I hate it and I don't want to, animation industry seems exploitative, talking to people all day long is gonna drain me, and data analytics seems oversaturated. I had though data analytics, sometimes learnt Excel, and even made GitHub & Kaggle profiles because I was thinking of Germany a few days back, but I don't practice anything anymore. If you think I posted in the wrong sub, then say it frankly.

my_qualifications: 10th CBSE

I'm a 19 y/o guy who scored below-average marks (65.4%) in 10th standard CBSE. I also couldn't complete diploma in mechanical engineering and had to take the LC because I couldn't clear all backlogs anymore. I'll be starting 11th commerce this year.

I wanna go to Japan (though Germany and the Netherlands are also an option), but I don't know what stream should I select. IT sector seems like a rat race where coding is all I'll do (which, I don't want to), animation industry seems exploitative, talking to people all day long is not my cup of tea, and data analytics seems oversaturated. I had selected data analytics, sometimes learnt Excel, even made GitHub & Kaggle profiles because I was thinking of Germany a few days back, but I don't practice anything anymore. I wanna know if there's any stream through which I can go to either of the three countries.

I know that I shouldn't be, but I'm racist towards each of these countries. I mean, I exaggerate the pronunciation of many things — and Dutch sounds quite hard. Though I think I'm the least racist towards Germans.

I'm a lazy, avoidant, pathetic, forgetful, 19 y/o guy who scored below-average marks (65.4%) in 10th CBSE. I also couldn't complete diploma in mechanical engineering and had to take the LC because I couldn't clear all backlogs anymore. I'll be starting 11th commerce this year. I wanna go to japan (though Germany and the Netherlands are also an option), but I don't know what stream should I select. IT sector seems like a rat race where coding is all I'll do even though I don't want to, animation industry seems exploitative, talking to people all day long is not my cup of tea, and data analytics seems oversaturated. I had selected data analytics, sometimes learnt Excel, and even made GitHub & Kaggle profiles because I was thinking of Germany a few days back, but I don't practice anything anymore. I wanna know if there's any stream through which I can go to either of the three countries. If you think I posted in the wrong sub, then say it frankly.

I wanna get some advice about what I should do next. But the problem is, I want it to be useful and not some advice where the advice-giving person just assumes things about me. Therefore, I'm gonna make a very, very long post, sharing everything that has happened with me or by me — and I think it might be too long to be read. Should I post it as two different posts?

In my opinion, MHA animanga is the best shounen action series of 2010s. I mean, it has good animation (there are some moments where the animators went "PLUS ULTRA"), episode-count that's neither too many nor too less, decent power system (even though it's kinda unfair) with multiple types of powers unlike demon slayer (only 10 breathing styles) or fire force (most of them were pyrokinetics), best characters, best OSTs (you say run, symbol of fear, uncontrollable evil, all for one's opera theme etc. go way harder than other 2010s soundtracks), best villains, best backstories, doesn't have much nudity/fanservice, and the 2nd best villain group of 2010s (if you include phantom troupe since HxH had a remade in 2011). The only reason why I think it's not even considered as the part of the modern big 3 is probably because it's not inspired by bleach, does not have any kinda scary "non-human" species (like jjk has curses, black clover has devils, kny has demons, fire force has infernals), feels "non-japanese" because it's heavily inspired by american comics, too much focus on class 1-A, not too many deaths, the toxic side of the fandom, and the ending. By the way, I also think AFO is a better character than other "pure evil" villains of 2010s like Lucius, Sukuna, etc even though his "goal" (dunno the right word) of becoming a "demon lord" sounds kinda... I think "edgelord-like" (I seriously dunno which words to use) is one way to describe it.

The reason why I say so because maine mere hi pair par kulhadi maar diya. I killed my dream of settling abroad within a week just by not controlling my anger. I lost my receptionist job by lashing out on a patient and causing him to cry, disrespected guests who came to live at our house, humiliated my parents in front of them, told my parents that they're the reason why I was born, they're the reason why I'm what I am right now, that they should've had killed me when I was young, and punched my younger brother when he was asleep. Then today, I shouted at my mom and called her a "bhikari" when she pulled my specs' box from my hands in anger and asked her if it's her house when she said that she's gonna change the computer's password. Then she told my dad, who told me that they would miss me for 3 days only if I kill myself (because any funeral in islam lasts for 3 days) just like no one remembers my dead grandparents anymore. Since I hurt my mom verbally so much, my dad said that he'll either call a mental asylum or the cops. Then when he came in my room a few minutes later, we argued and he grabbed my both hands and... I tried to hurt him because "sElF-dEfEnCe". He's made a decision to kick me out and give me ₹3,000 cash. I guess they went to a wedding with my siblings. He also told me to decide by the time they come home. I don't have anyone who's gonna let me live with them. I'll have to literally start from zero now.