Why can't I get a gf?
Rewriting this with some paragraphs bc the last version was a sentence salad. My bad:
Ok, so I want to preface this by saying none of this is said in arrogance or inflated ego, I'm a normal guy who I would like to believe is humble and self critical and has humility. Now that that's out of the way, why can't I get a gf or a like on hinge?
I'm 21, 6ft, decent physique, and not to toot my own horn but I'm aware that I am well above average in attractiveness. I work retail and at least once per day (usually an older lady) compliments me on how attractive I am, usually something along the lines of "wow your face is perfect" or "you could be a model" or "I can't believe you're so handsome". Every day I walk on the street or take public transit I catch women (who are attractive and I am attracted to) looking at me, usually they look away as soon as our eyes meet, but sometimes it'll be maintained eye contact, a smirk, looking at each other throughout the ride, etc. It's also not as if I'm unintelligent or boring or have a bad personality. I like to listen more than talk, I don't think I'm that special, I want the other person to tell me about themselves and I want to hear, I'm a decent conversationalist, and I love deep conversations, both about hypothetical things, intelligent subjects, politics, and emotional subjects. I'm also not a "dork", like I smell good, I've always been "popular" in school, I hung out with the popular kids, the quiet kids, always got along with everyone, never an outcast, and everyone always knew I was "chill" or "cool". I also think it's important to note that it's not as if I've never been with a woman. I've had girlfriends, been with a couple women, but this was years ago, since then-nothing. Like literally not even a once off kiss.
I will say that I am reserved and hate making people feel uncomfortable, so I never approach women, but I've never had to, they had always come to me, now the best I'll get is intense eye contact, a smile, or a compliment from an old lady (don't get me wrong it makes me very happy). A very important note is that I'm not in school rn, about a few months after I had sex for the last time I went abroad for school, then did another year abroad at a different school for college. Since then I've been at home (working on it but financial problems at the household).
I live in a populous city though, when my friends are back from school I'll go out with them, nothing, always the same, girls stare at me, but nothing ever comes of it, and I always psyche myself out by thinking I'm misjudging the situation, I've never approached a girl and I'm still terrified of it. I guess it's a fear of rejection. But you'd think; "ok, this guy just needs to get out of his comfort zone and approach girls" and I'd agree with you, I need to grow up, but this doesn't explain the lack of attention on hinge. I'd like to say I have a cool story to tell, I've lived in like 6 countries, abroad for over half my life, well versed in many subjects like philosophy, history, geography, psychology, emotionally intelligent, decent photos, attractive, not short, etc, but nothing? One caveat is that I have deleted hinge like 4 times and made new accounts, mainly bc I was overwhelmed and felt like a chud being on a dating app, then realizing I'm not gonna meet women outside of the app so redownloading it, you know, the cycle. The first account or two I was maybe getting 3-4 likes per day ish, some replies, nothing ever came of it though, never went on a date. Also my photos aren't great, I think I look much better in person, but I rarely take photos of myself and when I do they never really make me look as good as I do irl. Anyways this is my situation, sorry it's so long.
This may sound vain, arrogant, insecure, whatever, and maybe it is. But I've never really spoken this out loud and had to get it all out. Let me know what you think, if you've had this situation, what you did, and also if any women want to chime in and let me know what I'm doing wrong I'd love the criticism. Thanks.