The only local friend that I have started acting up recently. As said he is my only friend that I got and the only person that I have here in this country my family and old friends are on the other side of the globe.
He started to kiss me, first without then with tongue to both I never reacted positively and pulled away/ back since I’m in a happy relationship -even though my girlfriend is with my family in my home country. He then filled me up with alcohol and got me to kiss him back and make out with home while I was drunk. This eventually became routine over the past few days with the eventually addition of him groping my breast so much that I have open wounds. Today he wanted to get into my pants I rejected that and I ended up giving him a hand job. He wants to take my virginity this weekend and I’m terrified. I was SAed for multiple years daily in my childhood and if I said no back then I would get physical consequences.
I feel so guilty for cheating on my girlfriend through this because I truely love her but I can’t tell her about it because of the shame and guilt plus I never talked about the SA thing which I would need to talk about to explain what is happening inside of meto anyone other than that guy that I call a friend. What should I do? Can’t tell my mom either bc she doesn’t know about the SA and knows about my relationship. For christs sake I’m not even into men I don’t feel romantically or sexually attracted by them.
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EDIT, 01. May 2026: thank you for all your comments I appreciate them but it’s not as easy as it may seem.
I’m an international Highschool student so a minor in a country that I’m not a citizen of and one where my legal custodian here doesn’t want to interact with me at all. There is pretty much no way in hell that I can just report him without getting anyone involved (which I would prefer not to).
Also I did say that I’m not comfortable of doing such thing (sex) with this guy to which I got no reaction. I know it’s not saying that I definitely don’t want to do that under no circumstances but I tried to. This try got to deaf ears. And yeah I could just ghost him but he is the only person that I talk to in person at the moment. It would probably shatter me even more to be alone again like the other 7 months or 70% of my stay in this country. The only reason why I was befriending him even though he is antisemitical, racist, homophobic and more is because I was desperate for social interactions. Just not that kind of.