So tempted to let it come back
I guess I’ve been in recovery for about a year now. I’ve struggled with an ED since I was a child so it feels wild to claim I’m recovered but I’ve been checking all the boxes and most days I don’t second guess my food. But fuck Id be lying if I said I’m not tempted to let it come back and kill me. My SI has been very high for an extended amount of time and I’m worried I’m not going to be able to talk myself out of getting destructive again. I’ve also just started a new job that has messed with my meal routines. It’s been harder to keep up with my meal plans. It’s so tempting to just say fuck it and let it take over. But I know the consequences would be horrible. I’d definitely lose my job bc I’m in the mental health field and I can’t be influencing my clients like that. Im just so fucking close to letting it come back and kill me.