u/Key-Papaya6107

Hi, I am interested in your opinions and I hope I can get some clarity because I’m really hurt atm. I (19F) am an African American girl who attends an HBCU (Historically Black College or University) and I was dating a white guy (19M) who attends a PWI near mine. My ex boyfriend and I met in high school, dated for a year, then broke up when I moved 1000 miles away to college (he is 6 months younger but a grade level below me). Last year he decided to move to the city I’m in, but attend a different school. We grew up in a very conservative state, and while it was diverse, it wasn’t entirely free from racism. My ex and I have had very difficult conversations about race, his parents are conservative republicans who have a history of saying the N-word and though it made me extremely uncomfortable, I could still see past it. I am extremely proud of my Black heritage (so much so that I attend an HBCU), and I was raised by staunch liberal parents who were always intent on teaching me my history in places where it wasn’t allowed or appreciated. All of that being said, I still am attracted to all races and have dated all races, my ex moving to my area was the perfect opportunity to get back together, as we never broke up in the beginning for any reason other than distance. This past year we’ve been back together has been wonderful. We’ve explored the city together and dreamt of all of our future plans (law school, marriage, kids). This morning I came back to my dorm to him sleeping, as he stays with me from time to time, and we had a quick conversation. He got up to get in the shower and I reacted to his joke by saying “Negro, please!” It’s a phrase that I use often, even more so around my friends as I am at an HBCU. I said it as I always have, and he responded with “I’m not a negro.” I froze in shock and anger and he was very apologetic, trying to talk me out of breaking up with him but I insisted he get out and we stop dating. I have expressed my feelings about racial slurs over the years and even told him my own trauma of being called the N word at recess for the first time in the fourth grade. My parents don’t like him, and while I don’t necessarily agree with them, this is exactly what they were trying to protect me from. My ex said it with such ease and carelessness because the weight of racially charged words don’t affect him in the same way they do me. I’m sure some of you reading this might not understand either, but that still doesn’t make it right. When he said it, I was instantly back on the playground in 4th grade, and I am honestly still in shock. I don’t know what to do, and I don’t want to move too rashly but I really don’t foresee a future where I can be with someone who could say something like that so carelessly. I love him, he’s the only person I’ve ever loved, but I also love myself. So AITA? What would you do/have done in my shoes?