Hi everyone,
I’m 27F with a stable life — good job, my own home, car, a dog, and close family. I value stability and a committed relationship.
Last August, I met a guy (27M) who lives abroad. At first I didn’t take it seriously, but he was the one bringing up serious topics early (future, marriage, building a life). Over time we built a real relationship — he lived with me for 3 months, then we did long distance for ~3 months. I applied for a visa to visit him but got rejected.
He recently visited again, and things became clearer: he doesn’t see himself moving to my country, so realistically I would have to move to his. I’m open to that, but I don’t want to leave my whole life behind without a clear plan.
When I jokingly mentioned marriage, he said he doesn’t see it for at least a few years and that we don’t know each other well enough. He even made a comment like “what if we divorce and you take half,” which felt like a lack of trust.
To be clear, I’m NOT pushing for immediate marriage — I just want clarity, and I don’t want to come across as pushy about marriage. I also don’t want to spend years in long distance with no direction.
There is also a possible path where we live together for a year to apply for residency, but since I can’t enter his country, it would have to be in mine — and after learning this, he started avoiding the topic.
For me, ~1.5 years to really know each other and maybe ~2 years before marriage feels reasonable. For him, even that seems too soon.
I do believe he cares about me.
So I feel stuck:
- wait and hope things become clearer
- or accept we’re not on the same page
Am I expecting too much, or is this a sign he’s not as committed as he initially seemed?