u/KewlDuccc

To preface this my lifes been pretty shit as of late. Lost a lot of my friends and depression is kicking me like a bitch. One of the biggest saving graces is that I was accepted into purdue, unfortunately they didn't give me any merit scholarships at all and 46k is too steep of a price tag. I've told my parents that I'm vehemently against loans because I'm scared of the amount of interest I might have to pay and don't want to be paying them in my 30s. I already comitted to my state school.

Flashforward to today when I'm walking with my mom who's talking about her colleages. She's telling me how one of her rich colleagues offered to pay for my tuition in full with some sort of system. Just like that. She didn't give any additional information but she NEVER told me about this. I'm not even mad, just like what the fuck?

Everyone I go to, even some of the people I've wronged and hurt are telling me that I need to forgive myself and be less hard on myself. But why should I do that. What i did was fucked up beyond measure, unforgiveable, something that I couldn't even fathom a year ago. Why should I forgive myself when I'm suffering and downright suicidal from the bed that I myself laid. Why should I forgive myself when people still look at me scorn, knowing that I did. Why should I forgive myself when the person I loved the most in my entire life hates my guts. How am i supposed to forgive myself if I did all of that.