Hello guys, this is probably simple advice for you guys because I guess you face this a lot, considering you guys are here, right?
I want to ask for advice. Is it okay to be left out? To cut to the chase, it's been a few months now, and I kind of feel left out. It just makes me feel sad about it. As I notice that, as we walk by the school, when you go home and stuff, you walk to your home or something, and we use the same route. Looking at the three of them laughing or smiling, it kind of made me realize that maybe I wasn't supposed to be here.
It hasn't been long since this has been happening, and I asked myself in my head, "Why did I become friends with them?" Maybe we just vibed that night or that day or something, or we just had the same interest at one point, but then that person moved on. I don't really know, but I've stuck with them long enough. Now I'm looking at them smiling, laughing, all the jokes, and it kind of made me wonder, "What am I in the group?" You know? What am I in the group? They don't usually know that I was here, not until I say a word, you know?
It kind of made me realize that, yeah, again, maybe I wasn't meant to be here. As I was alone that time, now that they all walked in their routes through their homes, I was alone that time. As I walked to the sidewalks, I looked to the night sky, seeing how stars move, seeing stars move along with other stars, you know. For me, it just looks so fun, you know? But then I looked at the ground, because I don't know, maybe I was tired or something. Out there again wandering to myself, like, "Yeah, again, what am I to the group?" Just couldn't really think anymore.
It's not like I'm not antisocial or anything, man. I mean, I socialize a lot and all that, but I kinda feel like I'm just that one option because every other option is occupied, you know? I still remember one time where I talked to someone. They talked to me and they told another subject that I really didn't quite know about. I just go with the flow, asking, "Oh yeah, all that stuff, all of the things that usually conversations are." After I went home that day, I researched what he said or what that person said, like the subject that he talked about or that person talked about. I researched it so I could talk to you or something so that you too won't feel like left out, and then, yeah, looking at it, maybe I was being too naive about stuff because I believe way too easily. Sometimes I just don't know. Whenever I see someone, like, all of the being alone, I usually just go up to them and talk to them, but then by the next day, yeah, they're fixed now. They're happy now again and just here again. It's not like, it's not like not. It's not like every not. It's not like someone doesn't talk to me or anything. They do, but it feels more like, "Oh, what is this?" or "Yo, can you dap me up, man?" or Something like that. I don't know if that's considered conversational, I guess, but I don't know.
I try to be as helpful as I can, even though I'm not good at it, especially online where they text me and I text back instantly because I fear that they might feel left out too and be like, "Oh man" or something like that. I reply instantly, even though it's 3:00 am or 4:00 am or even in the morning now, I guess. Yeah, I don't know. I just want advice from you all, and maybe I could realize something much deeper than this that should be right and not be like this, because it's been taking a lot of my energy, a lot, and I don't think that's a good thing.
Just to be fair with you guys, if you're seeing some random words, like random points or dots or something, this is voice-to-text speech. I didn't really feel like typing, so just keep that in mind if you see some weird stuff