u/Kerfluffle2x4

For context, it was a piece of chocolate that my brother in law brought when he stayed with us for the weekend. I ate it because it really was just a delicious piece of chocolate. At the first wake up at 1:30 am, I realized how fucked I was. It was my turn for the shift and I was absolutely panicked out of my mind, wondering if my 7 week old could tell I was high. Time seemed to last an eternity, even longer than it normally does at that hour, and I was hyper focused on executing a successful feeding.

Also, why don’t newborns blink? I kept staring at my son’s eyes wondering when it would happen. Then I thought maybe it was happening every time that I blinked my own eyes so that was enough explanation for me. Sleep deprivation can take you to weird places.

The sound machine was way louder than it normally was and I was paranoid that it would wake the baby at some point even though keeping baby asleep was the whole point of the thing.

I recognize how dangerous it was to be inhibited and scolded my brother in law for not labeling his chocolate or even leaving it in the fridge in the first place. Something could’ve gone horribly wrong and I’ll never stop feeling guilty about it.

Maybe it’s a blessing in disguise that he’ll be a great sleeper in the long run, but since this little guy got into the world, he does not enjoy napping on me or cuddling with me. He usually complains and stays wide awake any time I hold him or if he lies on top of me.

Maybe I smell from the lack of showering? Maybe there’s just not a lot of me to cuddle with? After all, I’m a short and small person and he’s a bigger boy like his dad. When he’s held by his grandparents and dad, the kid knocks out. For me, not so much and that’s fine.

I also worry that he’ll only be three months old and he’ll be too heavy for me to carry him because of my lack of upper body strength.