Feeling of isolation
I (19F) was diagnosed with BPD at 18, but honestly I struggled really badly with it throughout high school too. I’m in therapy and I’ve improved a lot with my impulsiveness and reactions compared to how I used to be.
Recently I got out of a relationship with someone who was very avoidant, and it completely wrecked me. I loved him so much and genuinely would’ve done anything for him, but we just weren’t compatible. I constantly needed reassurance, and he would disappear for days or even weeks with no calls or texts. But when we were together in person, everything felt different and normal again.
I tried really hard to make him feel appreciated because he told me he didn’t feel valued. I made him gifts, surprises, and put a lot of effort into loving him the best way I could. But it still didn’t work out.
Before him, I was single for 2 years. Usually after relationships I “bounce back” fast or end up finding a new FP, but this time I don’t even want that. I just want to isolate myself and stay alone forever because dating feels pointless. It feels like everyone leaves eventually, and I’m always the one destroyed by it afterward.
One thing that really sticks with me is being told I’m “too much.” People don’t realize how painful that is to hear when you already know it about yourself and don’t want to be this way. I don’t want to feel things this intensely.
I don’t really know what I’m looking for posting this. I guess I just want to know if anyone else with BPD has felt this way after a breakup, especially with someone avoidant.