I spent 3 full days with a guy, and it felt like the best time of my life. He love bombed me hard, talking about holidays together in just a few weeks and making me feel incredibly special.
I know, red flags.
But obviously, I fell HARD.
Then suddenly, he went cold and distant. I crashed completely. I said horrible things, made awful comments I can never take back, and even made threats.
He is genuinely scared of me now. At one point, after I tried to OD, I begged him to block me.
I told him if he truly cared about me, he either needed to make things right with us or let me go completely. No in between, because that uncertainty was destroying me. I felt like I needed to know he would either stay or leave right then.
Days later, he still has not blocked me, but he does not want to see me either. I spiraled again and said even more awful things.
I kept calling him a narcissist, which honestly is not fair because I cannot diagnose him, even if some of his behavior felt manipulative.
I said deeply unhinged things, like he would regret love bombing me and then stonewalling me, and that I would make sure he understood his actions had consequences.
I called him 84 times. He never picked up, though he did keep apologizing.
I feel like I am losing my mind. I keep asking him if his goal is to see me dead or hospitalized, because the constant push and pull is destroying my nervous system.
Anyway, I hate myself right now.
I hate that I destroyed whatever this was, even though part of me knows his love bombing and hot and cold behavior was deeply unhealthy too.
After my ex, I never wanted to experience having a “favorite person” ever again, because that almost destroyed me.
And yet, here I am again.
The common denominator seems to be that I always believe men when they love bomb me. It completely gets me, because intense affection feels like my love language.
Does anyone else have a weakness for love bombing?
Because so far, those are always the men I fall for the hardest.