feeling awfully lonely
every so often i just feel so terribly lonely and its been this way for years. i barely ever had any friends and those i had i feel never liked me, i always feel unlikeable and i feel so alien. i know many people feel alien and i relate deeply. i think i just cant understand anyone because somethings deeply wrong with me. i am awkward and extremely introverted and shy and i think ill never be able to form a close bond with anyone because im just chronically unlovable. im not an interesting person and i just dont know how to cope with that. im paranoid and have constant mood swings and it all ends up ruining my relationships. i dont even feel connected with my family anymore and its so nauseating. i want to have friends and i want to be happy but it feels like my brain is against me and just refuses to let me be normal. i get spurges of loneliness and make impulsive decisions and then regret them and feel even more lonely. i feel so alone and unloved and i dont know how to fix myself because i constantly sabotage myself and then feel bad about it but then repeat and repeat it again. i feel doomed