Im 7 months out of a narcissist/abusive relationship
Had therapy, coming to terms with things more, looking to find who I am again and get my confidence back
He was my first relationship and was together for over 5 years
Im not looking to get straight into a relationship, im not looking for anything in particular, I just want to date, no pressure or expectations, gain experience and confidence after being in a bad relationship and being called all sorts. Im shy, nervous, my thoughts and doubts hold me back.
I didnt date till I was 30.... was with my ex for over 5 years.... im 40 now.... so not good start when came to dating, sex, relationships and everything
Been on 2 dates since.
1st, went out for food and he wanted to book a hotel... I said no
(Did kinda regret saying no on the way home)
2nd, out for food, met him a few times, staudd over, takeaways etc he seemed a lot more chilled, relaxed, no love bombing etc ... if anything, a bit boring. But more gentle, thought that was good because the thoughts in my head etc wanted to relax and switch off more ... did sleep with him.... which was a big deal for me. Ended up getting ghosted after about 6 weeks...
Fine, I need to grow a thicker skin anyway and all adds to experience and me getting stronger as a person
1st date guy reached out a few times to apologise for being too forward, said I seemed nice and he was sorry
Is it bad that I want to agree for a 2nd date...
I know it will be sex
He suggested food, drinks, cinema, hotel etc... not just straight to hotel like what he wanted to last time... seems like he does want to make a bit more effort this time ha
Hes been so forward with the messages and got me talking about sex which is good for me as im so shy/feel inexperienced... even embarrassed.
I dont want to be.
I hate that my head says no
I want to say yes, I want to take back control, not let past negative experiences stop me and hold me back
Ive never really been able to relax when it comes to sex, let go, and know myself and what I enjoy, especially last few years with my ex due to him being a lying/narcissist/cheater and all the stuff i had to put up with.
Sex became like routine when he wanted it, no enjoyment for me...
So, now ive got the opportunity to meet someone again. Get my confidence and power back
Push my boundaries
Not let my head talk me out of it... I want to say yes to more... find myself
Or am I making a mistake on my healing journey....