Moving Away- Need Advice
Hi- I have a “close” friend with Bpd. I don’t need to describe the hurt, pain, and trauma of being “close” to someone with Bpd because you all already know.
I am moving away due to my job. Last summer I traveled for a while and my friend with BPD kept playing this push pull game with me of calling me crying “don’t leave” but then kept ditching plans when I tried to say goodbye. I ended up chasing and intercepting my friend to make the goodbye happen, yes it was emotional, yes then I felt bad for her when she described how she’s so depressed and can’t face the things that are hurting her(me leaving) and I relooped into the cycle. Now a year later I have read some books and am better educated on Bpd but obviously am still experiencing hurt from the push pull of our friendship.
I’m moving away for good and my friend has already begun the emotional/drunk “don’t leave, I need you” phone calls. This week I gave her the times I’m available to say bye, and she has already begun to make excuses and be a no show. I do want to say goodbye to her but I know logically it’s going to hurt me more to chase and do the same thing I did last year. However if I truly leave the ball in her court, and she doesn’t follow through, she will call me crying once I move of how much she needs me and wants me back. This cycle keeps hurting me and I don’t know what to do. I am thinking let her initiate getting together until I leave and if she does not, I won’t see her. Then when she messages I can just say something like “I was very hurt you could not follow through to say goodbye” and leave it at that. Will it hurt more to say goodbye and continue the cycle? Or will it hurt more to not see her and just leave?
Ugh I want her to step up and be a good friend but I know she won’t change. I also want to move and have closure and peace from this toxic cycle 😭 I could use some encouragement because it’s really weighing on me.