I wish you didn't take up so much space in my head. You don't deserve it. But it's there for you anyway. Like it's marked territory that's been left, overgrown, but every other thought is too scared to encroach. Left as a ruin, what used to be a temple, built with intention and with dreams of expansion. Now derelict. Only for me to gaze upon as it sinks beneath time. A beautiful reminder of how even the most beloved of things can rot, despite your greatest intentions. Nothing lasts forever, and as I knew from the very beginning, it was naive to ever really believe so.
But it was inside of this naivety, that I was able to love. And love like I never have. And never will again. And I don't know at this point whether I should thank you or hate you for that. Without your guarantees of forever, and without the lies of finding each other after this light goes out, I don't know if I could have let myself love so carelessly. No, I do know. I'm seeing it now. Here is someone, who loves me in a way I should have always been loved. And now I'm always holding back. Always pulling away. Scared to go further knowing full well it can all end tomorrow. That it can all be a lie. Even knowing she deserves parts of me I already gave to you, it's hard to say I regret it. No matter what it meant to you, I was given the chance to love with my entire soul and I did. Thats something most people never get the chance to do. So I guess, thank you for giving me the chance to love without fear. I wish it meant more to you. I wish I meant more to you. I wish I had more of myself to give to those who I love now. But I think I can finally say now that I don't regret it. I'm glad I took this dive. But I'm not sure I'll be doing it again.
Things die. People get old. People change. People lie. The world is far darker than I took time to consider. But that's life right? And even if it's dark and painful and heartbreaking, that's what makes it beautiful. The picture isn't as captivating without the blacks and the greys.