My wife wants a baby.
Hello all, friendly internet throwaway seeks advice from the hive mind.
I (M31) and my Wife (F30) have discussed starting a family and I absolutely do WANT to have a child and start a family with her I love her to the moon and back. But there are some caveats that give me pause and I get nervous.
My wife has PCOS, and a slew of other medical issues, hormone imbalances, menstrual irregularities, a long list of reproductive health problems. So there is that, but she has been going see her doctors this past year to get lots of things worked out and that’s amazing. But we have been told plenty plenty of times that just getting pregnant will be a massive undertaking and even past that that miscarriage and problems could be abundant.
Where I start to get really nervous is we live in Louisiana, a state with some of the most heinous female reproductive care in the entire USA, I TRULY fear that we will end up one of those situations where a hospital watches my wife bleed to death because they won’t give her miscarriage care, or if we had en ectopic pregnancy that she would not get the proper care.
I understand a lot of my fears are just paranoia and a million What Ifs, but we have to acknowledge that the possibility is there and she fully understands the risks.
She has been very vocal this year about wanting to get pregnant the moment we are able to once she gets physically able. If we lived in a state or environment where I truly believe she would get unbiased and fair treatment, I would absolutely agree. But I honestly feel like I’m making a choice that could literally leave my wife’s life hanging in the balance, I don’t know how to handle the weight of that.
She has listened to my concerns and she fully agrees with it all, she is just as terrified if not more so than me obviously. She is terrified of the current state and federal administrator and their choices about women’s reproductive health.
But all of her friends back home are getting pregnant, her sibling is having a baby, her best friend just announced her pregnancy. But all of those people are “normal” and “healthy” people with no major issues or complications from the very start till the end. And I know she is probably feeling left behind and pressured. She feels like she is running out of time.
I WANT to start a family and be a father, but I can’t get over the crippling anxiety that all of her medical problems will come to a head in the worst way possible and I will loose both my unborn child and my wife. It all feels like too much to bear and when I think about it I start feeling like I’m having a panic attack, we are both on the same page as to WHY but she just says it will all work out it always does.
What do I do?