u/JustaDester

I started doing this almost a year ago. I can't remember the exact reason, as there are many reasons. I went through 8 years of bullying (I was spat on, beaten and pushed, and my parents were insulted). Additionally, recently, as I have been reflecting on the past, I have started to understand something else that may have influenced my personality and caused even more hatred towards me. I was 9 years old. He was 14. He asked me to undress in front of him, and he touched certain parts of his body. There was one indirect sexual encounter, but I'm still a virgin.

My mother died by h**ging herself, as did my uncle (her brother). It was done on the basis of a mental disorder. I remember that I was 11 years old when I first saw her in the morning, and it gave me a great shock, almost to the point of hysteria, because I knew that she would not be the same as before (she had been very aggressive for a long time and had threatened my father with divorce, but I thought it was because I was not a good enough child to be spared). After a year in the loony bin, my pregnant sister moved in with us. She was very nervous during her pregnancy, and I had been neglecting the apartment, as my mother was unable to take care of it due to her illness. I received regular slaps, insults, and kicks, but I didn't care, as my anger was fueled by school bullying. At my mother's funeral, I assisted in the dismemberment of her body, and I vividly remember how cold and lifeless her body felt.I'm thinking about what her decomposing body looks like right now.

I can admit that I hate people for existing. Sometimes I like to watch people experience different emotions, as if it were a theater. Most of all, I enjoy watching dramatic situations and thinking about how one day I will grab someone by the neck and smsh their head with a hammer or something heavy, and then I will tore their already mated bdy for a long time. However, at the same time, I also want to be tr**ed in the same way and have my bdy b*ied somewhere far from civilization.

Now my father has gradually given up on me, and I'm living on my own. However, there were still some problems, as a foolish neighbor reported us to the social services and educational organization.

I don't like superficial cuts, so I try to make them as deep as possible (but without hitting any veins). I have old scars, and people notice them (mostly teachers), and it's causing problems for my family with custody and school, but I don't give a fuck. I don't know if I want this to end, and frankly, I don'tgivea fuck