Hello everyone,
I want to start off by thanking anybody who has the time to read this post. And an even bigger thanks to those who comment or share their stories. I'm currently faced with a situationship that has been my first "almost" in six years. I have been looking at it with a bittersweet lens but also an anxious one. I would like to ask when people finally surpassed that "almost" mark and found something real.
I (25 F) have been seeing this man (23 m) for almost two months. Things have not been going on for that long, but it's been long enough for me to genuinely start forming a close connection with him. This is the closest romantic connection I've had with someone since my first relationship, which lasted 2 years (ages 18-20). Ive tried dating since then, but I've always been met with disappointment. I'm always either ghosted or shot down after I try anything more than casual. It's always been the "I'm good enough to sleep with, good enough to hang out with, but not good enough to be with" trope. Needless to say, I never get to feel romantically loved, which is a shame because I have so much love to give!! 😄 I'm a lover-girl at heart.
But with this man, things are different. Or at least I thought. He consistently reached out to me to hang out and go on dates. He never once pressured me into anything. He was kind, sweet, compassionate, and incredibly funny. The best part is, he and I have lived very similar lives. Similar family life, similar goals, same major in college, but we've also struggled romantically. I feel like this bond just made us closer. He even admitted things to me that were so incredibly personal, I won't repeat them here. The point is, he expressed how much he trusts me and feels comfortable with me. He's only been with two people romantically, and they were both toxic. So it's not easy for him to do that with just anyone. He said I treat him unbelievably well, and I'm starting to become someone who means a lot to him. Corny as it is, these past two months have been "magical" (A word we both used). For a short time, I genuinely felt like I could fall for this person, and he could fall for me.
Until now (the end of the semester). He's graduating in a couple of weeks, but I still have one more semester left. As I've said, I won't reveal the personal things he's been through. But he has been through a lot and deals with diagnosed anxiety, severe depression, and self-image issues. A couple of weeks ago, we discussed what we were looking for. I admitted that I dont like casual dating and I'd like to see it hopefully evolve into something more serious. I dont need labels anytime soon, but I'd like it to be on the table. The thing is... He agreed. He felt the same way, but couldnt promise anything because of his personal struggles. He has no idea what to do after college, he's struggling mentally, and doesn't want to push that strain on either of us. We agreed to revisit this conversation after he graduates so that we can both mull it over and decide what's best for both of us.
Since then, I can feel his pull away. He doesn't text me unless I text him (and even then takes days to respond), he doesn't send me memes he thinks I'll like anymore, he doesn't check in on me, etc. Logistically, I know he's extremely busy. Finals, graduation, figuring out post-grad plans, etc. I also empathize with his personal issues. I know how important it is for you to have a relationship with yourself to be happy. I also know the struggles of severe depression. I've gone on that journey myself, and even today I still struggle sometimes. We all do. So I understand why he might pull back, but it still hurts after I look back at how close we got.
Very much a "right person, wrong time" situation.
I dont think this is the end. We'll probably talk again after graduation. But I knew he couldnt promise anything, and we weren't necessarily together, so I cant be TOO sad. I have hope that we can try again someday when he heals and feels more confident in himself and his life. I can tell he needs this more than anything.
This was the closest "almost" ive had in six years. When did you surpass yours into something real?