I just threw my life away. The woman of my dreams. I use drugs and booze to “keep going”. I use it to force myself to keep putting one foot in front of the other. in just over a month, I was going to move to her state, away from where I knew to find it all. We planned for me to clean up, under her vigilant and caring gaze.
Well, to keep putting a foot forward, i overdid it. lack of sleep, stimulants, and adhd, caused some horrible paranoia.
I’m of one mind to go to rehab. I’ll never deserve her again, but I should shed this bullshit in honor of her.
The other mind is, well, go all out and let it destroy me once and for all.
Either way, I’ll know nothing but shame. I accused the most ethereal soul of infidelity. My own insecurities were to blame. I fucked up. What do i do? What do I deserve? Can it even fix me? Do I deserve to be fixed after breaking her? I’m such a coward.
No one remembers a cowards name.