This was Sunny
This was Sunny, our beloved Golden Retriever girl. She was with us for 15.5 years. She was there when we got married, when we moved into our house, when we were ill or sad. She travelled with us and was simply always by our side.
A little over a month ago, we lost her. In her last year, she had already developed some health issues (spondylosis with slight weakness in her hind legs, which made it difficult for her to get up on slippery floors, but we managed this with anti-slip socks). At the same time, she was still curious and full of life. She loved her walks, loved to eat, and loved playing with her ball. Only a year earlier, we even went hiking with her.
Even on her last day, we went for a walk, and she was stubborn as always, wanting to go further than I had planned. Fortunately, I gave in and let her keep walking.
When we got home, a few minutes after she had eaten, she suddenly started panting, groaning, and trembling. She became weak and couldn’t walk without help. I immediately thought it might be a spleen tumour, as I had heard of similar behaviour in other dogs. We went to the vet right away, and an X-ray confirmed our fears. It looked like a ruptured spleen tumour.
We had to make the incredibly difficult decision to put her down. It was absolutely heartbreaking for us. I had always hoped she wouldn’t have to be euthanised in a cold veterinary clinic. She never felt comfortable there. But the vet told us we shouldn’t wait any longer because she was in pain…
It has now been over a month. In the first few days, we couldn’t even talk about it without crying. It’s getting better, but we are still grieving. Alongside the grief, there is also guilt: should I have noticed something earlier? We had been to the vet many times in her last year for various minor issues, such as an injured paw or problems with her ears, but neither we nor the vet suspected something like a tumour.
So there are always these questions: Did I miss something? Was I not observant enough? And in the end: should I have pushed for surgery instead of euthanasia?
And then I also regret all the moments when I was impatient or annoyed with her; when she ate things off the street again, begged for food, or barked until I threw her ball. Now I just miss her and wish I had let her eat whatever she wanted, thrown her ball for her all the time, and cuddled her endlessly. Life feels so much emptier without my girl.
I don’t really know why I’m posting this. I think I just want people to know that she was here, that she was absolutely adorable, and that she was the best thing that ever happened to us.
(She was also the reason I started photography. To me, she was the most beautiful dog in the world, so I just had to take thousands of pictures of her, and over time I developed some okay-ish skills. The last two photos were taken earlier this year during our walks, just a few weeks/days before she passed away)