AITA for calling my wife out on her passive aggressive sex invitation
My wife is the queen of passive aggressive. If I ask her to do something and give detailed instructions she will find a way to do it differently. “Hey babe when you finish washing the crock pot can you put it on the top shelf?”
After a “sure” she will put it on the bottom shelf. But not just put it there, she will rearrange the shelf to make space for it when there was a space on the top shelf for it. (No she is not short she can reach the top shelf just fine)
When I am not home for dinner and she cooks one of my recipes for the kids she will do it differently. The kids (17f, 15m) will notice and say “that’s not how dad does it.” She will tell them “I know what I am doing.” They will sit down to dinner and she will say out loud, “this doesn’t taste right.” The kids will roll their eyes as loud as they can. Obviously I don’t see it but the 17yo tells me all about it. It has pretty much become a joke and I will intentionally tell her to do things differently than I actually want, so there is a chance…
Now on to the giggity. So, I often complain about how my wife never initiates contact. It seems like she has lost her sex drive. However the other day my sister was visiting, matter of fact it was the end of her visit and about an hour and a half before I was to take her to the airport my wife pulled down her shirt and exposed a sexy teddy under her shirt. My bedroom is near the bathroom and guest room where my sister was getting ready to go, just a closet between the bathroom and our bedroom. I told her we couldn’t. Of course she used this as a, “well I tried” moment. When I returned from dropping my sister off at the airport apparently the mood was gone and I was now the one initiating once more.
So first, I’m not a prude but having my sister in the next room doesn’t really get my motor going. Also my wife is the type if I grab her butt when we are with company she gives me the evil eye gritted teeth “stop!” So the into public displays doesn’t track.
I began to remember the last few times my wife tried to initiate sex with me. I have to go back years to come up with the last 3 or 4 times. One that really sticks out is when we had another couple visiting and I walked in when we had plans with them to go out. I came into my bedroom to see my wife in a sexy outfit on the bed. Another time a friend was coming over to help me work on some household stuff, fixing something in my house. She met me at the door in a robe naked underneath. She ran to our bedroom when she saw my friend and told me “oh, I forgot he was coming over today.”
I know I know it sounds like she wants other people in the room with us but I assure you that is not the case.
So I bring it up and ask, “hey can we talk”
Her- “Sure”
Me-“have you completely lost your sex drive?”
Within 15 seconds she brings up the incident with my sister.
I was like come on
Then I brought up the drop off in activity even during sex. Not only do I initiate but then have to direct. If she goes down on me she is not into it, I have heard guys say “there is no such thing as a bad BJ” but I assure you there is.
It becomes one of those arguments that start to span the entirety of our sex life. No enthusiasm on her part, me doing things she asked me not to during. Her not doing things I have asked her to do. So on and so on. It has gotten to the point where she is angry and feels I ask too much and I am frustrated and feel that she gives too little.
In the end she said her invitation was real I was like, “so you wanted a quickie?”
Her- “no you didn’t have to leave for another hour and a half”
Right but now there is a shower before I go (also my wife isn’t the type to let me go right after especially if she Os. She will get emotional, so me running out the door after makes her “feel cheap.” I said I don’t believe that was a real invitation, it was just another passive aggressive way of making it look like you are doing what I ask so the next time I say something you can throw it in my face.
So there it is AITA?