u/Jokeminder42

Pedro dice: «Es tubo.»

Y Jose dice: «No quiero saber lo que estuvo. Quero saber lo que es.»

Why do you always play with my tits, but you never kiss me?

And the guy says, "Every morning, I wake up at 5:00, roll over, and have sex with my wife. Then I shower and shave, and we have sex again on the breakfast table.

"Then my ride-sharing partner blows me on the way to work. When I get to the office, I have sex with the receptionist, and spend my coffee break in the supply closet getting a blow job from my secretary.

"My ride-sharing partner blows me again on my way home, and I have sex with my wife after dinner."

"So what's the problem?" asks the doctor.

And the guy says, "It hurts when I jerk off."

He doesn’t want anybody to know he’s screwing chickens.

Jed goes to a lawyer, explains the case, and the lawyer says, "I can defend you for $5,000."

"What's the point?" says Jed. "My neighbor witnessed the whole thing. They're gonna find me guilty for sure."

"Don't you worry none," says the lawyer. "The key to any trial is the jury, and believe me, I know how to pick a jury." So Jed reluctantly agrees to hire him.

The day of the trial, the neighbor gets on the witness stand to testify. He says, "I was walkin' along my property when I seen old Jed over there approach one of his goats, drop his drawers, and mount that poor animal from behind. After about two minutes old Jed appeared to be finished."

"What happened then?" asks the prosecutor.

"Well," says the neighbor, "Then that goat turned around and licked Jed's pecker."

A gasp went up in the courtroom, and old Jed had all but given up hope when a juror in overalls leans over toward the fellow next to him and whispers, "You know, a good goat will do that."

The redneck says, "I'll go check." He goes back to the car, asks his buddy, and returns a minute later.

"Yeah, two-by-fours will be fine," he tells the clerk.

"All right," says the clerk. "And how long?"

"Just a minute," says the redneck," and heads back out to the car. A minute later he comes back and tells the clerk. "A long time. We're buildin' a garage."