[23 AMAB] What am I? Where can I find out?
Hey! Sorry for the long post, still not super sure about a lot of this, but I guess that's kinda the point of the sub, so here goes.
For pretty much my whole life, I've been a guy. I've never really identified with it super strongly, but I think I'd feel the same about being a woman. I've mostly stuck with it because my body is *very* masculine (height, facial hair, shoulders) and I do generally like the way I look.
A while back (toward the end of high school) I realized I that I am Bisexual. , I was also questioning a lot of other things about myself (found out I was ADHD too, finally got meds like a month ago btw!!!), and kinda realized that, in abstract, I don't really care too much about being a man or a woman, and the only resistance/objection I had to the latter was not identifying with the "negative" traits/stereotypes of being a woman (got a lot of the "you throw like a girl"-type stuff as a young kid). I've had the pronouns on my social media/discord as he/they since about then. I haven't really felt any pressure to put any more of a label on it than that. Sort of a "I am who I am, maybe I'll find something later and that'll change things, but this feels good for now" type situation. As you can probably tell from the fact I'm making a post on this sub I uh... may have found something.
It happened a couple days ago. For context, I've put on a little bit of weight recently. Nothing major (mostly just from being less active lately), but enough that it's started resting in places other than my gut or ass/thighs (Been enjoying the second one, btw). Anyway, I was in the shower looking at my chest and the fat that had settled over my pecs, and I realized that I *really* like the idea of having breasts 🙃.
Not in a generic "waow boobs" or a sexual fetish/kink thing kinda way. And not in an ambivalent "I wouldn't really mind/care" kinda way, either. I would be made genuinely happy by a small, A-B Cup (I think, cup size is weird) pair of breasts. Big enough to warrant using a rash guard/swim shirt at a public pool, but not so big I'd need something with cups (bikini top, etc.), y'know?
I don't really fell like I want HRT, plus I still like presenting fairly masculine (at least as a "default"), and I'd prefer the "cylinder stays in-tact" as much as possible, so HRT seems kinda off the table (and I'd want/have to wait until I moved out, anyway).
For additional context, I've also been interested in trying out some gender non-conforming stuff/behaviors in the past. Get me in shape, and get it tailored to my frame, and I think I could probably kill it in a black split-leg dress!
So, what do yall think? I probably won't do anything physical/medical anytime soon, but I'd like to try and clear up some of the identity stuff. What are some labels/communities I should look into? Any specific subreddits? Thanks for any feedback, and sorry again about the text wall!