I don't know how to deal with the guilt and fear.
I (M24) broke up with my ex-pwBPD for the second time yesterday morning. She was dismissive and self-centered and manipulative, but like an idiot I believed her when she said she'd change and prioritize our relationship over anything else.
Then she cheated and the last bit of empathy/love/hope I had for her died and I spent two weeks planning my exit strategy. I called up old friends to reconnect, I allowed myself to truly let go of her internally, and gathered her stuff in a bag to have a mutual friend bring to her when it was time.
I am 100% sure I made the right choice. I was getting to the point where I couldn't really feel emotions (other than sadness and anger) and I was physically repulsed by her touch. I know this was the right thing to do.
And yet...
I went NC with her and I told her I would to her face. I blocked her on everything and ignored her in person whenever she would show up to try and talk to me (we attend university together).
However, in the past 24 hours I have received:
1 email titled "don't ignore me"
multiple calls from a private number
1 really ugly voicemail
To top it off, I went to karaoke last night with a different mutual friend and she somehow managed to figure out where I was and asked him if I was cheating on her with some other bitch (the irony is crazy). She then informed him that she was at the bar next door and waiting for me. I left the bar ASAP and went home and locked my doors before I went to bed because it wouldn’t have surprised me if she tried to sneak in while I slept.
I've never been stalked like this before and I'm scared. I also feel somewhat guilty because I know that I triggered her fear of abandonment and she's suffering but I don't know how to explain to her that she causes people to abandon her with her actions.
Have any of you had similar experiences and if so, how did you manage to protect yourselves?