u/JealousDeer3327

no logical woman will get into a relationship with a man that is abusive and mean to them from the very beginning.

but everyone likes feeling special. everyone wants special treatment. so when they receive good treatment from a man that is usually perceived to be mean or abusive by others, they feel special.

they think “wow he’s so mean and such a jerk to everyone else but so nice to me! i must be the exception and be special to him”

this is why a “bad boy” has a higher success rate than a “nice guy”. women tend to not feel special when a nice guy is nice to them vs a bad boy because they think the nice guy is nice to everyone while the bad boy is only nice to them (given they are both the same level of attractiveness)

they think they will be the exception. which is never true.

when she is completely hooked on this guys initial polite and sweet behavior, he changes. it might start small like condescending comments. then turn into emotional manipulation, verbal abuse, or physical abuse if things are severe.

after that, the guy will immediately apologize and be sweet to her again before repeating the cycle.

by the time she realizes she was never the exception, it’s too late. she’s hooked. women do not leave/go back to abusive relationships for a number of reasons

- she could be scared that he’ll hurt her

- she might be scared that no one will ever love her again bc he convinced her so

- she might have gotten addicted to the feeling of being “special”

it is incredibly hard to get past abusive relationships bc it can leave trauma physically, emotionally and mentally. some never recover.

yet it’s hard to resist that desire of feeling special.

some of you might be tempted to say “America doesn’t have a culture, it was built by immigrants around the world”

and you would be right. america is a melting pot. but we can’t be a melting pot if NOTHING MELTS.

to come to america just to stay with your own racial/ethnic group, refuse to learn the language and accept the social norms is ridiculous.

this doesn’t mean completely abandon your religion, personal beliefs etc. america is generally a very accepting country (freedom of religion, speech, to gather…) to ensure that no matter who you are, it’s possible to find a place to belong in american society because it was built by immigrants for immigrants

but everyone needs to compromise a little and try to melt into each other

i know i might get flamed for this but i don’t care. as a man or woman, if you want to have any success in the dating world, just being nice, average, and decently in shape is NOT enough.

you need to have something about you that stands out, on top of being average and nice.

on the more shallow end, this might be height, or looks, or you make great money. that’s something that makes you different from a roblox NPC figure.

on the more realistic side, this might be hobbies other than watch TV and smoke all day. this might be that you ate extra soft spoken, or out spoken, or patient, attentive. or maybe you’re super responsible and ambitious. or maybe you’re passionate and confident.

ANYTHING that makes you different than the next nice average guy. this is different for everyone.

i might find a man that doesn’t like to travel, doesn’t play sports and doesn’t like to party boring, but a more traditional woman that wants to settle down and start a family might snatch him right up.

i say this because a very common complaint i hear from men in dating is “well women always say they want a nice guy, im nice, but they still don’t want me”

well, yeah, you need to have something on top of that niceness. being nice and average is kind of like a pre-requisite to be considered at all, but to make it there you need something else.

same for women, i just don’t have dating experience with women so im not saying anything. but from what ive seen, men typically do not go for an average nice girl.

but they will if she’s funny on top of nice, or hot, or has interesting hobbies, or is compatible. just something that says “i’m more than a default human”

being nice is the ticket that gets you in the building, but every door needs its own key.