Constant wrestling with addiction
I’ve never been a heavy user of weed, but got into the habit of smoking one or two joints every night. I used to be able to take it or leave it, but now if I have it in the house, I can’t resist smoking every night until it’s gone.
I threw out what I’d bought recently because I’ve been getting insane anxiety from it.
I bought it when I was having a really stressful few weeks and feeling desperation but one or two hits is enough to give me a borderline panic attack now. The anxiety is next level paranoia and then the munchies kick in and I binge eat to an extreme.
Right now I’m wrestling with going into the trash and retrieving the weed which I know is ridiculous. I have it in my head every time that this time it won’t make me anxious and paranoid, it’ll help me relax like it used to, but I know that’s not true. I moved to a new country where it’s illegal but tolerated, I have a professional job and live in a really small town and I don’t speak the language, so I know realistically it’s just not worth the risk of losing everything but I just can’t seem to get over it and stop.
I know it’s not good for me but I still sit here thinking about it, sitting in the trash. How do you get over this feeling, does it ever go away?
Just need to vent ha