u/Jealous-Ad5077

Hello I (M20) have been crushing on my friend (F19) for a few months now. But there's some history and lore within it. Its more so of needing someone else's perspective on it whos not my friend and just sees it as facts. Thank you.

So we met in a golf class in high school in 2022. I was a junior and she was a sophomore. It was us and two other guys in the class but I never kept up with those two. When I got Instagram she was one of my first friends to follow me and we talked a lot. We both have a common interest in History and can talk about it a lot. Im Demiromantic/Demisexual and haven't liked anyone in a while but over us talking a lot I started to fall for her. A few months later there was a school dance and my friends convinced me to asked her to go. I did and she accepted, but I dont know how to do that kind of stuff and the stuff my friends wanted me to do made me feel weird because im not exactly the most romantic person and the entire night was awkward where the two of us didnt really talk. At one point I just said I was gonna go and sat on a wall with my friends. She did come back to say bye when she left but I hated that night so much that I deleted the photos of us from it. After that we barely talked after that. Later on in my senior year she was in the yearbook class and reached out to me because they needed an art piece for the front of the yearbook and I gave her one and they used it. That meant a lot to me. Stuff happens I gradute and a year later she graduates, but we still dont really talk. But then last year in August I went to a Weird Al concert and she replied to my Instagram story about it saying she thought he was dead. And weirdly that got us talking again. Slowly over time we started talking more and more and I started to get feelings for her again. One day we were talking about a game and I just threw out that we should play it in person. We ended out hanging out together but for a different reason. She invited me to go to the store with her out of the blue. It was a really fun night. We hung out a few more times one on one and one of those times she made me cookies. Another time I got her a stuffed animal of a shark (her favorite animal) and she went to Australia for two weeeks and she got me a map (I fucking love geography). (While she was there she sent me a picture of her in a dress asking how it was and my friends said it was a huge green flag.) Between just walking around walmart and going for drives we've hung out like 6 times this year. We've also started texting every day and calling each other bestie. Shes been on my mind a lot and I do want to ask her out next time. But recently she hasn't been texting as much and she "put a pin in" our next hang out and post poned it (i was planning on asking her out next time we hung out). She has been busy with dogsitting and college finals lately. She was in Australia over a month ago and we've only hung out once since. I fear if she did have an interest in me its going away. Its also her birthday at the end of the month and with the possibility of me asking her out, I feel weird doing it near her birthday. Its 1am and I know im probably just getting in my own mind but my biggest fear isn't rejection, its ruining our friendship. Today was literally the first day in months where we havent really talked to eachother and i start the conversation 80% of the time but i felt weird today, idk why. Anxiety probably. I know it probably wont happen but it would destroy me if i was seen as that guy who just tries to get with his female friend. Rejection is whatever, its part of life. I dont want to ruin our friendship. Ive never really been in a relationship before so I dont know how any of this goes I just want to know the chances that she actually likes me and any help in my situation, thank you.

(Sorry for any grammer or repetition im writing this all half asleep in bed)