u/Jazzlike_Turnip2738

Me and my gf (ex i guess now) are nearing 40 days of no contact. Our last conversation before this didn’t really seem like it would definitely be the end of our relationship. But i decided not to be the one to break the silence for once, and it has resulted in zero contact for going on 40 days.

We’re in our early 30s and were together for a little over 4 years and lived together for the past year or so. I still feel very up and down about it all. I constantly wonder how she is feeling and if she even cares.

I still have some of my belongings at our apartment. Nothing i need badly, but things i will have to retrieve eventually. I just wonder if she will ever reach out if i don’t.

If we do ever speak or see each other, i wonder what to even say. Should i tell her how much she means to me and how i wish things could have gone differently? Is it even worth saying these things or would it just push her away further? The silence is killing me even though i know us breaking up may be for the best long term.

Has anybody ever had times where an ex broke no contact and expressed they miss you?

I’ve been in no contact with my girlfriend (ex i guess now) for about a month. Based on my reading on this sub and online, it sounds like she is an avoidant but i’d like to hear thoughts from others in here to confirm it:

- Whenever we would get in fights/arguments she tended to stonewall and ignore me
- rarely if ever admitted she was wrong or would say sorry about anything (no matter how little it was)
- my feelings often felt dismissed. I would try to hear her out and find middle ground, but it felt like a one sided conversation most of the time and not a team effort
- i would get blamed for everything while she never voluntarily took any ownership of her side and things she could improve on

Anytime we would argue, i would be the one who had to break the silence and be the one making the effort to fix things. This time i decided i wasn’t going to do that and sure enough it’s been 30+ days of zero contact. She also unfollowed me on IG the other day (but kept me as a follower)

I’m trying to make sense of this all. Our relationship was far from perfect but i was willing to work on things with her, but it felt like i had to carry the weight and any little mistake i would make turned into a big fight (no matter how many other good things i may have done which rarely got acknowledged)

Does she sound like a dismissive avoidant? Would i sound like a more anxious attachment style?

DMs are open too if easier to chat. Appreciate it!

My (33m) girlfriend (31f) were together 4 years. Have lived together the past year. We’ve had our fair share of ups and downs in the relationship for quite a while now if i’m being honest, however we continued to stay together and try to fix things. The past few months things were more consistently bad, which led to a few bad fights and me moving out of the apartment.

Anytime we’d get in arguments like this, i’d always be the one to break the silence and try to talk through things. So I did again, and we met up in person a little over a month ago and talked for hours. The conversation felt like a lot of blaming me for everything and very one sided. I tried to just calmly talk through things with her and find middle ground. By the end of the conversation we both felt overwhelmed and both said we don’t want to give up on things. The thought of “maybe we should just break up” was discussed as well - but from my perspective nothing we said made that clearly the decision - so i felt we left the conversation off kind of open ended.

That was about 33 days ago. I decided that this time i will not be the one to break the silence for once. And now it’s been ~33 days of no contact. I feel so confused by it all. I also noticed she just the other day unfollowed me on social media, but kept me as a follower of hers. It feels like we are done but i’m just confused and can’t stop thinking about it all. I also still have some of my stuff at our apartment we lived in.

Some questions i have:
- should i just continue no contact? that’s my current plan
- what might you predict is going through her head here?
- how long after no contact might she return? I understand that may never happen but i feel like at the very least it might just because stuff of mine is still at the apartment
- why would she unfollow me but keep me as a follower?

Any other advice or questions would be appreciated. I’m just really struggling with it all

TLDR: ex and i together 4 years and lived together. Relationship had a lot of fighting/arguments over time but we still loved each other. Left our last conversation off somewhat open ended. Now been 33 days of no contact. I still have some stuff at our apartment. She unfollowed me but kept me as a follower the other day. I feel upset and confused by it all and don’t know what to do.