How do you navigate the transition out of enmeshment and codependency with your family during get-togethers?
I’ve been going to therapy for about four years and have been hitting it hard the last two years. It’s working---I’m beginning to understand how my anxiety and depression is largely from how I was raised. I feel like a blindfold is being lifted and I’m beginning to see a lot of the dynamics my family relies on---passive aggression, subtle mocking or put-downs, guilt trips, ignoring anything about me that is different than them, assuming things about me instead of actually asking. The more I see these patterns, the less I have been able to tolerate them. I feel like I’m in a rough spot, because even though I’m beginning to see the patterns, I still don’t feel strong enough to start setting boundaries with them.
This is especially coming up now because I’m visiting my family for Mother’s Day this weekend. Usually when I visit them, the weekend consists of hours of listening to everything that’s been going on for them. Then they take me on a tour of all the creative projects they’ve been working on while I validate them. Honestly, I wouldn’t mind, but it lasts hours and I feel like I have to stand there smiling and complimenting them the whole time. It feels like a hostage situation.
I guess I’m looking for advice on how to handle this transition period, especially this weekend. I just don’t think I’m emotionally ready for a full-on confrontation. I’m also worried that if they notice anything off, they’ll think something is wrong and try to dig it out of me. (They don’t know I’m in therapy or thinking any of this). Or they could take it personally if I seem distant. I could also just be overreacting! This is so scary, because I’ve never set boundaries with them before and I just don’t know how they’ll react. But I also don’t think I have the stamina (dissociation) anymore to sit there and pretend to be happy and engaged and validating for hours on end.