u/Jays_Dream

original WIBTAH post: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/vOtsexWip4

So, my friend came "home" from work and I sat him down to talk. I'm not a confrontational person so it was difficult to find the right words but I think I managed it somehow.

I told him I was disappointed with how he acted while I was away and that coming back to my place full of trash and my bedroom in disarray was an absolute no go for me. He apologized and told me he overestimated his limits on how much alcohol he could handle so he didn't manage to get up on time to clean before I came home. He also explained that nobody actually slept in my bed overnight but that he used it to lie down for a minute when he got migraines the evening before.

In the end, I said that while I understand where he's coming from, that behaviour isnt something I tolerated before and I won't start now. We agreed that he can stay until the end of the week so he has time to look for other accommodations.

For anyone wondering; yes he's already looking for a new place to live and I've helped him look for apartments in the last weeks but our city is hell when it comes to trying to rent a place without going bankrupt. He also doesn't own a car so public transport has to be available, which makes it even more annoying. I'm sure many of you can relate.

Since he apologized and I've known him for so long, I decided to not make it a bigger deal than it needs to be. He's in a difficult situation and dropping a long term friend over one mistake is not my style. We're both adults and I trust him to learn from this experience.

Thanks to everyone for commenting and giving me the courage to actually speak up. I know I tend to avoid difficult conversations so the comments on my original post really helped.

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Context: My (28M) friend (27M) recently broke up with his partner (27F). Let's all him Tim (made up name). Since he didn't want to stay in their shared apartment after the breakup he asked me if he could stay at my place for a while until they settled their affairs. I agreed and he's been using my guest room for three weeks now.

We decided that he doesn't have to pay me rent but he'll take over the grocery shopping. I cook every evening for both of us but he takes on the grocery shopping and costs.

All of that was fine with me until this weekend. Another friend of mine invited me to his birthday. He lives 6h away so I told Tim I'll be gone from friday to sunday because I'l sleeping over at my other friends place. No issue.

I came back home yesterday (sunday) evening to a place full of trash. Tim had a party, which I didnt mind per se, but my entire apartment was full of empty bottles, empty food packages and general trash. He didn't bother to clean up and didn't ask me if it was okay to have a party. I can also tell someone slept in my bed (or at least laid in it) since I tend to keep it made and clean but when I came home the sheets, covers and blanket were in disarray.

I'm thinking of kicking him out for that breach of trust. I work night ahifts and he works during the day so I havent had time to confront him yet. But I feel uncomfortable about the whole ordeal. Yet I feel like sending him back to his ex is a dick move as well.

Edit: Since it might be relevant: We've been friends for about 10 years now.

Edit 2: We live in europe Edit 3: Update: https://www.reddit.com/r/AITAH/s/mazizCxHGX