11 months out from a brutal split / discard where 6 weeks after our honeymoon she asked me for ethical non-manogamy.
The discard almost broke me. But I did all the right things for the past 11 months, even when I thought I'd never be whole again, and I'm almost in the light again.
I see her profile pic on Insta from time to time. She changed it recently and it's her with her BPD eyes. The eyes she used to look at me with when she would be splitting. When she would cut me with her words emotionlessly. The eyes she looked at me with when she asked me for ethical non-manogamy 6 weeks after our honeymoon. Staring at me with those blank, glassy, dark eyes while I crumbled in front of her. Shark like eyes.
When I saw those eyes today, the last string was cut. The one that pulls on me from time to time. That nags on me to call her, to reach out to see how she's doing. I see her now. There's no love anymore clouding my vision. And it's freeing. I don't want her anymore ever. Finally.