u/JayKolWorld

For years Ive had the feeling that I hate and it makes me struggle in almost every part of my life. I have millions of beautifull ideas that are in my head and for me, they look like fireworks on a night sky when you're sitting on a beach with your loved one. This feelings of joy and having a great purpose that is honest, is filling me when they are in my head and of course they are not the problem. The problem is persistent feeling that I cant learn nothing, constant anxiety and fear, feeling scared of starting those things because I feel like I will not learn how to do it and something bad will happen. I have a constant feeling of gigantic fear and that I should be down to earth and not be arrogant, on the other side there is the bigger part of me that knows, that everything is possible and everything has some good twist on it but people would rather look at everything from a pessimistic perspective. Most of the time I feel torn apart between the part of me that can make everything possible and that part of me that is scared of everything and scared of rejection and being alone.

The main problem is that my head is throwing so many intrusive and brutal thoughts at me that I cannot find my way out of them and they are controlling my decision making and ability to learn anything. I feel like i Iost myself in fear, anxiety, going back to all of the mistakes that I have made in my life and feeling like those mistakes were not even me because I would never want to make those mistakes.

Despite of this thing that feels like self inflicted torture I know that things will be way better later on, the thing is that right now I feel like I am at the crosswalk with red light that is constantly stopping me from going across the road to the better things, despite me being in the sports car on the same intersection while having the green light at the same time.

DISCLAIMER

This post is mainly for people that have been prescribed with this kind of medication and their experience with it. I do not support self medication or any kind of false diagnosing to get to those medication. Anyone who would use this medication without proper diagnosis may put themselves at risk of health damaging side effects.

If you feel any kind of struggle or problems at day to day life, contact your therapist or psychiatrist. And remember, self medication with any stimulants or addictive compounds is a sliplery slope that is not worth it.

Hi ,

I wanted to talk about my first day with the new medicine that Ive got after the diagnosis of AuDHD and I would want to ask if anyone had the same reaction.

Ive had really chaotic, nerveracking and almost psychotic couple of years with constant anxiety, stress and intrusive thoughts that basically took over my life and how I percieved life and behaved. It is a nightmare that is haunting me for a quarter of my life and it made my life feel like I was surviving it and not living it at all. Ive been struggling with feeling of constantly putting on a mask and pretending that everything is fine because I felt like no one from my closer family could help me in any way. Ive been cutting of most of people that I've had any contact with and I sat at home for most of those years, playing video games and just wanting to change something in my life but I felt too anxious to do it and those intrusive thoughts were not helping the situation at all. I was also struggling with relationships because I was scared of them and most of the time I didnt know what to do despite feeling something for that person and that also left me with regret that was haunting me a lot of the times.

After the diagnosis and a talk with psychiatrist, He decided to prescribe me methylphenidate after some time of taking oribion. And suddenly, after the first dose it made my mind magically clear. I have not felt like that since maybe four/ five years.

Out of nowhere I could focus better on things that I was doing, most of the chaotic, brutal and nightmare'ish intrusive thoughts have been dialed down and my mind wasnt like an F1 track where hundreds of thoughts were racing one another each minute. I have finally felt "present" in some kind of way and felt like I was actually making my own decisions. Altough, the impulsivity is still there I felt like it wasnt that invasive.

I have also felt more of the food profiles and the colours felt a little bit more warm and alive?

I dont know if anyone has some sort of similar experience or was it also the placebo effect that made itself present in this situation?

Because it was my first dose and it felt weird that it would work just like that.

Does anyone else has a similar experience with ADHD medicine?

How was your first experience with this kind of medicine?