u/JaxAttack_

She's not borderline like the psychiatrist said, she's done all this research you see, and it doesn't fit!!

- She doesn't feel empty... she only answered yes because we all feel empty sometimes. So he was wrong to say she feels high levels of emptiness.

- She's not suicidal... she only told him she was fine not waking up from her surgery. But then she thinks of the grandkids so that doesn't mean she'd act on anything.

- She's not impulsive... she took years to pick the right carpet for the house and still hasn't gotten the bathroom fixed.

- She's not impulsive... it's only when she acts out due to anger, like road rage (or punching dad in the arm, which she's not aware I know about).

- She's not impulsive... but she does believe she's got ADHD. It's a different kind of impulsive, just don't ask her to explain it. (I could answer this for her but I'm not going to).

- She didn't mention paranoia... but she thinks the diagnosis was so he could make money by putting her in hospital for 2 weeks of treatment.

And probably the most shitty one...

- "You remember when you were pregnant and you went to that place at the hospital (short stay, low risk psych ward). Well I've never been anywhere like that!"

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For context, I was pregnant and struggling, tried to go back on my SSRI and had a massive anxiety episode that I couldn't come down from. Picture shacking, pacing and hair pulling on and off for weeks. My ability to handle anxiety hasn't been the same since.

That last one didn't quite sink in till hours later, in fact I'd forgotten she'd said it. I feel like it's a horrible thing to have said but I'm also feeling kind of numb to it. Sometimes it takes me a few days to realise something has upset me, I won't be surprised if this is one of those.

So just earlier this week my mum started with a psychiatrist for the first time ever, she thinks she has ADHD and is also mentally struggling overall (nothing new). They spent an hour going through some documentation she put together, her history and a bunch of questions. My dad was there and said it was very detailed, and the psych landed on a BPD diagnosis explaining his reasoning. She's already diagnosed cPTSD from an abusive childhood but was seeking more help as things weren't working (read she quits everything before it can work).

She called me with this info quite upset and asked me to do some research for her and that she was going to too. It made sense to me after some reading. The paranoia, splitting and anger are standouts. I already knew we had some emotional parentification and had been working with my therapist on that and on quietly setting boundaries, and reading about enmeshed children of BPD parents really resonated.

Then they pop round for the weekly grandparents day with my kiddo and she says, 'I don't think it fits! I think it's cPTSD and ADHD!'. She thinks he already had a diagnosis before she got there and just wants her to do a 2 week hospital stay to make money (he wanted to get her on meds while being monitored). She doesn't want the meds he suggested and doesn't want to do group therapy. Says she ticks all the boxes for the other two (I don't believe she does) but not this one as she wouldn't unalive herself.

My heart sank in a way I don't know how to explain... And my brain said here we go again... I've been reeling ever since, struggling to switch my brain off, feeling anxious and wanting to cry. I'm not really sure what to do from here. Any advice, suggestions or validation? I don't know, I keep second guessing myself too.