Need some advice.
Married 21 years. I am 51. Wife is 46.
Background:
My wife works at a company where they get 1 wellness day per week.
I. E. Where she basically don't have to work. Though she always says that she inevitably does some work on this day (working from home).
In terms of my birthday: I have a tradition where I take one days leave on my birthday. Then I catch a movie. Buy some comics. Eat out. So essentially spend a few hours from morning till afternoon all by myself - 'me' time.
So this year I changed things up.
I decided to spend time with my 2 male (single) friends. Go eat out and just chill with them for a few hours. I told my wife my plan. And on the day me and my 2 buddies hung out as planned. It was quite enjoyable. This was a couple of months ago.
Note: my wife mentioned that her wellness day fell on my birthday this year. I knew about this fact before I made my new birthday plans.
Fast forward to the present day. My wife asks me why she was not invited to the get together on my birthday - with my 2 friends. She is quite upset. Since I knew she was on her wellness day, I knew she had availability. And she brings up the fact that besides her birthday and mother's day I don't do anything special for her. She is really mad at me.
And she is right. I do feel like I am too rigid. I don't spontaneously do fun exciting stuff with her. We have 2 independent teenage kids. So kids and babysitting is not a issue for us.
I also admit that I did not even consider bringing her with when I thought of new birthday plan. And for the record, she gets along fine with these 2 friends.
Looking back, it's as if I was so rigid in my planning - I thought it would just be me and my 2 friends on the day. I did not consider her. It's really sad. I feel frustrated that I did not even ask her. But in all honesty it was not me deliberately excluding her (though that is what she thinks now). It's like I was on 'auto pilot'.
What advice do you recommend to patch things up with my wife.
I apologized. Admitted my poor decisions. But I know this issue will not resolve quickly - unless I change my ways