I never knew I could feel jealous in this way. I’ve always thought myself to be the kind of person to be happy or encouraged when I hear a friend succeed in their lives but today was different. I think it’s because I’ve always yearned for the same success or achievement they're having now.
There was this International company my Friend_01 was employed in. In that company, he thrived financially. I always wondered if I could ever join him or get recruited by him. For years, I visited where he lived and he always raved about his mischievous actions during his duty and every time, I sat there to applause. He made provocative and intentional lies just so he can financially gain from his employers. I always thought that was hilarious. It might sound unethical, which is in this case, still is. But, it was almost a necessary lie he had to act on. We live in a poor country where everything from the economy to local morals and values have gotten lower and lower. I can’t blame him for wanting to have a better life – it wouldn’t hurt his employer’s pockets anyways.
As I said, I witnessed him succeed from rock bottom and now he’s buying everything he ever wanted from every store in our city. I’m fine with that, that’s his money, that’s his hard work.
I just can’t shake the feeling of how it’s so unfair. I can’t fucking take it. Why after all these years, he helps out our other Friend_02 that stuck with him the least amount of time? I can’t believe it. Maybe I’m just too underwhelming. I mean, that has to be it. All this speaks of “Talent” and “Creativity” of me from other people yet I can’t help but make anything that’s remotely interesting. I’m a hugely a fucking disappointment to myself.
This other friend that was newly hired deserves it. He’s one hell of a lovable person. He tries his best to be social and reaches out to his friends, and that includes me. Shit, we even played a co-op game on Steam recently. Despite this, I can’t help but feel so empty and so disappointed with myself. He was picked because he was lucky and spent more time with my friend who was hired in a big company while I'm stuck here taking care of my Kid feeling stuck on my regular 9 to 5. But the other truth is, if I had the same lovable charm and proactiveness he has, I might’ve had the same opportunity along time ago.
Honestly, I have to admit that this might just be the first time I actually, truthfully, feel jealous.