Hi everyone. Two months ago I posted this message and got so much good advice so I wanted to give an update.
In short: I dated a closeted guy for 8 months and shared my feelings for him. His response back then was a bit off (“this is all still new) and I asked for clarity. He told me he needed a little bit of time.
We now had been dating 10 months and he came out to his friends and parents. He told me that he thought that would give him the clarity to commit and take off the pressure.
But unfortunately that was not the case and he said he was still having too many doubts to continue dating. He said he couldn’t give me what I needed. I told him I understood and I cut off further contact.
While I saw it coming, somehow I still feel so hurt and sad. It feels even more personal now that the coming out wasn’t the issue.
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(Old message)
I’ve been dating a guy for 8 months. He’s kind and makes effort (takes me out, met my friends, plans things like hotel/spa nights) and stays in touch.
He’s still in the closet and struggles with that, but he does try new things with me (both sexually and socially, like going out in queer spaces).
The issue is: after 8 months, we’re still “just dating.” I told him I have feelings for him (which is rare for me), and he didn’t really respond beyond saying “this is still new to me.”
I understand that, but I also feel like I’m always the one bringing up serious topics about us. He’s not very expressive or romantic in wording, and I sometimes feel rejected. He can easily go a day without talking..
I really like him, but I feel a bit rejected at the same time. I don’t need him to come out right away but I want to know what the future holds. At the same time, feelings wise he doesn’t seem to be on the same page.. so can something even happen? Should I give up?