So basically, I am almost a year out of an abusive relationship where I was not allowed to have friends. I'm slowly getting back out there and trying to meet people and I had made a friend. We hung out multiple times a day for a few weeks, typically at her place, and I would cover for her when she was broke. There were MANY red flags (illegal substance abuse, extremely unsanitary habits/living space, saying they are good a being a friend for pay) that I chose to ignore because I'm lonely and they were someone I could spend time with.
After a few weeks I had talked to them about how I wish I just had someone to cuddle. They started off suggesting cuddle parties but I explained that I can't do things like that because I have to have an attachment to cuddle someone. They kept trying to explain to me that cuddling is not a sexual thing and didn't understand my perspective.
This conversation continued over a couple days. Eventually she said my approach to relationships was "puritanical" and told me I would not find anyone in my generation or even maybe in the whole country that wants what I want.
It was when arraigned marriage was suggested that things had gone too far as removing a woman's autonomy is absolutely unacceptable to me. I explained how this made me feel, even spoke over her because what was being said had no reason to be said at all. Now I'm the bad person. Now I'm made to feel like crap for standing up for my values.
I feel like I'm broken and unloveable. I feel defective.
So I do some research. Do other people love the way I do? Do other people want a real connection anymore? Is EVERYONE poly?! It turns out there are absolutely people that want what I want. There are people who love the way I love and approach it the same way.
I learned that I am Demisexual. I have to have a strong emotional connection before a sexual attraction begins. I need to feel comfortable with someone to open up physically. Cool, now it has a name and a flag.
Excited to have a new word to express myself, I tell her what I learned and that this can really just be a good learning experience. There is no need for anger or anything like that. She didn't respond. Left on read. I ask her to just let me know what is up or just tell me to fuck off. I didn't want to waste more time on something that seems very unhealthy to me. She said she needed space. I just asked for the money they were supposed to pay me back and I think I just need to move on and find more healthy friendships where my kindness is reciprocated and not taken advantage of.
ALL OF THAT BEING SAID
I'm single and ready to build a strong and steady emotional foundation on top of which we could cuddle. Seattle area preferably but like, traveling is fun too.