u/Janewondering

So I'm 24 and lately I decided that I want to go MtF but the thing is I live in a very restrictive and conservative environment so I take things slowly (until I can finally leave the country). The main question is I like the idea of being a bottom but I also like female body issue is I don't know if I like the female body because I want to be like that or because I'm attracted to. I've been heterosexual all my life and had relationships etc. I'm just really confused about all of it tbh. My post might not even make sense hopefully some of you can understand me?