New step dad would like to have a discussion with more experienced step parents.
Hi guys and gals, I'm recently stepping into the role of being a stepfather myself, and I'm hitting my first point of struggle. And I'm not gonna lie it's a really big one. My stepson does not have any discipline at all. Any time his mother wants him to do something he doesn't want to, he will scream, snivel, and cry immediately. Now, mind you, he is four years old, I'm not being judgemental of his mother, who has done this completely on her own to this point (biodad abandoned him and his mother) and I'm not blaming a four year old for crying, because even I know how absurd that is.
The problem is, when I was a child, from as early as I can remember, I was absolutely not allowed to act like this for even a moment, neither was my brother with whom I was raised. My mother hit us, she did it often, and she was absolutely ruthless when it came to our structure, we were not allowed to say no or an ass whopping was going to ensue. Sniveling, screaming, or refusing to do something, you were getting slapped, etc. Some of the punishments were straight up unnecessary and left a really bad piece of ugly inside my brother and I.
As of lately, these memories are coming back. I hadn't really thought about being a child in a long while now, and all of this is flooding back into my brain every time my step son throws a fit, which is without fail every day I see him, the moment he's asked to do anything he doesn't want to or etc. This is really distressing me. Repressed memories are coming back, and I'm really struggling. It's at a point where I don't even wanna be around him anymore, and I feel extremely guilty about this, afterall he is four and can also be a very sweet and kind child. I'm talking through this with his mother, but so far, I've not seen improvements, and it continues to get worse and worse as more memories come back into my brain.
If anyone else here has been through something like this, I would appreciate whatever insight you have to offer, and you have my thanks in advance, stepparents.