u/JadeOwl2404

Hello Everyone! I've posted here before but I am back again and need your brutal honesty as I maybe overreacting and might do something I regret, which I don't want to do, and tell my sister that I do not want to be in her wedding as a Bridesmaid anymore.

Previously I made a post regarding my 22F sister 24F and her now Fiancé m24 and his problematic behaviors. It is still up if you need more context, but you all confirmed my fears at the time of him being potentially abusive and problematic. He's very narcissistic, misogynistic, and just overall rude. He's still the same and hasn't changed, and in fact has probably gotten worse and more bold with his blatant disrespect towards my family and I and my sister.

I got engaged back in November of 2025. My Fiancé and I have decided our wedding will be in Oct. 2027 (This was decided back in December and everyone knows this) well at the end of February my sister suggested that I start looking for a dress as they can take a while if they need to be ordered in and then you have alterations on top of that which can take awhile as well. I agreed. She says she'll set it all up because she just went with one her friends for their weddings and knew a good spot with a bunch of stores. We plan it for a couple weeks out so the end of March.

My sister talked about wanting to try on dresses for fun with me for the trip. I was weirded out a bit by this request as I was wanting this to be a time that it can just be about me as I am not one to have the spotlight but thought this one time could be fun. I kinda brush it off.

A week before we are set to go on the trip she calls me and explains that she thinks that she's gonna be proposed to that weekend and wham bam, call me ma'am she was right and he proposes to her. THIS GIRL HAS BEEN WITH HIM SINCE JULY 2025 and back in December she almost called it quits with this man because he was being too controlling and had issues that he didn't want to work on or see that they needed fixed. (Nothing has changed in the relationship btw, he didn't work on himself and she didn't work on herself either) and she immediately starts telling me how they're already setting the date for July 2026. THIS YEAR. INSANE I KNOW. The family expresses concerns to her. They don't tell her she can't get married, they just express concern at the speed but she took it as an all out attack.

My Mom also tells her that she shouldn't try on dresses on my wedding dress trip and that we will take another trip for her. This pissed her off greatly, she called and cried to me about it and I explained that I just want to be in the spotlight this one day. She states she understands, and moves on to express how disappointed she was in the family for not being excited about her wedding and asked how I dealt with all the comments about moving to fast, I just said that they're just looking out for everyone but that I didn't have many comments made like that. (I didn't have a single person in my family not ecstatic about my engagement and was only met with positive and joyful energy.) My dress trip comes and goes and I think it was a decent day overall and I did end up actually finding a dress, which I wasn't really expecting.

About this time, I also make the decision to fully cut off my birth-mom and go full non-contact. I've been minimal contact with her for over a year now and finally ripped off the band-aid and said not to contact me anymore. It's important to note that my birth-mom has narcissism and is very emotionally and mentally abusive towards me and my siblings. I am the only one out of my siblings to make the move to fully cut her out but the others (including my sister) are low contact with her as well, or was (my sister has recently, very recently started involving her more in things). A week after I send that final cut-off message, my sister informs me that she has now invited my birth-mom and grandmother to go shopping with us. She was FULLY aware I just cut her off.

I put it aside as this is her trip and if she wants her mom there, then she is allowed. I didn't want my Bio-mom to make a scene and ruin the trip or make it awkward so, I wasn't going to go but my sister and my Mom insisted that I go. My Mom is actually my step-mom but has always been my mom as she's always been there for me growing up. My mom and birth-mom do not get along at all. Birth-mom is always the instigator. I agree to go, as long as everyone respects my boundaries and my birth-mom does not communicate with me.

The trip goes fine for the most part. At the end of the trip my birth-mom had to make a scene by trying to blame my Mom for me not talking to her anymore as if I can't make my own grown adult choices but whatever that's a different story. My sister blames my Mom and I though. (If I need to elaborate on this, I can)

My sister asked me originally to be her Maid of Honor but as I don't appreciate her soon to be husband, I asked if I could simply be a bridesmaid because it didn't feel right to me. She understood and asked her friend to be instead. I've been vocal about my concerns with him and pointed out things I don't agree with and she's always just moved passed my opinions. I think she understands that I love her, but I don't like her man.

Easter comes and her Fiance "couldn't remember" my name or my fathers. We have simple names and I feel like you should be able to easily identify close members of your partners family but whatever, what do I know. I don't say anything. After I leave Easter, she hands out invitations to the family for the wedding. I didn't get one but I assumed it was because I as a bridesmaid. I thought it was weird that they waited until right after we left the party after being there all day but thought it was a coincidence until my cousin stated I wasn't on the website for the wedding as a party member.

This prompted me to ask my sister why I wasn't on the site if the rest of the party was and she said it must have been a mistake and my name was added almost immediately. Note my name is spelled wrong on their site but I am not going to say anything. I think that shows how much she actually cares. She has also gone around telling family that our Dad and Step-mom have been non-supportive of her and put her down her entire life which is just blatantly not true to anyone who has been around longer than these last two years. She's also going around talking bad about my Mom to family and saying untrue things about her that our Bio-mother did but claiming it was our step-mom.

For her bridal shower, I was asked to bring drinks and food. The bridal shower is next month and that's all I've been informed. Drinks and food. Not the kind of drinks or anything except that I'm not allowed to order pizza for this party of 50 some people. (That seems like an excessive amount of people for a bridal shower of a wedding with only 150 guests) I haven't been asked to help with anything else and I am not included in their bridesmaid group chat where they are planning all of this. It feels like I am in a group project with all the popular girls in school and they're doing all the fun planning and I'm stuck with the part none of them want to think about. They also all ordered their bridesmaid dresses and colors and I've yet to be answered on the colors and style I need to order. I get ignored and not answered to almost every message I send my sister. Even the non-wedding related ones. We used to be super close and this has dragged her away. I miss the close relationship we had.

And my birth-mom is going to be at this bridal shower as well. I am afraid she's going to cause another scene.

At this point, I don't want to be involved in the wedding at all. I want to tell my sister that I would rather just be a guest at this point. It's causing me emotional distress. I don't like her soon to be husband and I don't support the marriage, but I want to be there for my sister. I want to be there for her on her big day. I want it to be everything she's ever wanted. I am afraid if I say I don't want to be in the wedding, that she's gonna push me even further away and I might lose her and I know that's exactly what I don't want to happen.

TL:DR: My sister's excluding me from a lot of her wedding planning and I don't support the decision to get married this quickly so I feel like it would be better if I was just a guest instead of a bridesmaid. I am afraid by saying that, I might regret not sucking it up and being in the wedding.

If i need to clarify anything, I am happy to.