u/Isuckatdrumming2020

Title says it all really

I’m 26, about as thick as pig shit and have been dealing with autism my whole life. I hate it. I don’t want to get into details because it’s very messy and brings out an even uglier side of me than when I’m happy.

Because of my disability or just my overall low intelligence I am very forgetful especially when it comes to valuables and things that are important. If it’s out of site it’s out of this universe wether it’s a pen,keys, wallet, £100 headphones given me as a birthday present. I have lost it all.

I have been hitting myself in the head with my hands since I was a kid, When I got in trouble for things or if I lost valuables or made mistakes with homework or writing I’d get smacked around or hit with slippers, fists etc and now I’m older and my parents can’t hit me I have taken it into my own hands (pun intended).

A few days back I lost a really expensive birthday present given to me by my sister.

I have a pretty low paying job at the moment and forking out the cash to get them replaced put a huge dent in things and those horrible feelings and names I call myself came back. But this time I think I went a lot further than I thought. I was literally punching my skull with all my strength with my fists and even slamming my head on a tree.

The next morning I could see marks and bruises on my head. Thankfully it wasn’t any serious medical issues but my sister noticed the marks.

I know I need to punish myself, I don’t think I’ll ever get that fixed and probably don’t deserve to be fixed but I have to be realistic: This can’t go on and this obviously isn’t Normal behaviour but I feel like I’m the only person who suffers from this kind of method of sh, (although I have been looking at boiling water a lot more).

I need advice to curb those feeling to head bang, harm reduction and improve my memory and or intelligence (impossible as it may be). to make sure if it does happen again it won’t get me into too much trouble .

Possible tw for sh and mental health stuff.

I’m 26 and have been dealing with autism my whole life. I hate it. I don’t want to get into details because it’s very messy and brings out an ugly side of me.

Things haven’t been great for me. I grew up in a pretty turbulent house and my parents weren’t what you would call the easiest. We would get hit or smacked pretty often and I was really badly bullied in school to point I still have nightmares about going back. I am pretty sure I my whole time in school consisted of people making me believe i was stupid and my many failed attempts to prove them wrong.

I’m not sure if it’s because of my disability or just my overall low intelligence but I seem to be very forgetful especially when it comes to valuables. If it’s out of site it’s out of this universe wether it’s a pen,keys, wallet, £100 headphones given me as a birthday present. I have lost it all.

As you probably already guessed I have a really bad time with handling my emotions especially when I make mistakes which happens a lot.

When I got really emotional or angry or had a meltdown I would sometimes start hitting myself in the head with my hands. When I got in trouble for things or if I lost valuables or made mistakes with homework or writing I’d get smacked around or hit with slippers, fists etc.

Because of that whenever I have extreme bouts of depression or I feel like I need to punish myself I would resort to hitting myself.

A few days back I lost a really expensive birthday present given to me by my sister.

I have a pretty low paying job at the moment and forking out the cash to get them replaced put a huge dent in things and those horrible feelings and names I call myself came back. But this time I think I went a lot further than I thought. I was literally punching my skull with all my strength with my fists and even slamming my head on a tree.

The next morning I could see marks and bruises on my head. Thankfully it wasn’t any serious medical issues but my sister noticed the marks.

This can’t go on and this obviously isn’t Normal behaviour but I feel like I’m the only autistic person who suffers from this kind of thing.

I need advice to curb those feeling to head bang, harm reduction and improve my memory and or intelligence to make sure it doesn’t trigger me into spiralling again.