I just asked my lawyer friend for a referral
He's back from inpatient rehab for the 2nd time in 6 months. He bought vodka on his way home from rehab and has only maintained sobriety 2-3 days at a time here and there, despite becoming active in AA and attending meetings 1-2x per day, as well as frequently meeting with his recovery coach. Potential therapists have turned him down saying they weren't the right fit. His sponsor dropped him too. He's interviewed for a couple jobs, but no one is biting. It seems like this time he's trying more than he ever has, but it might just be theatrics since there hasn't been noticeable change.
The emotional abuse has escalated- I almost miss the simple obvious gaslighting. Now it's become a 24/7 manic episode of "You're my everything, I appreciate everything you've done for me" to "if you want me gone I'll just k*ll myself" to "I need you to do just 10% more, is that asking too much?" and "I'm just having a really hard time with you right now". When I try to leave he slams shut and blocks the door. I've tried calm and detached - it infuriated him that I wasn't mad enough. I've tried locking the myself in the bedroom - that actually escalated things even more. I've screamed and run out the back door when he was blocking the front- He laughed and said I was being dramatic. We can only interact with each other now on the front porch where he's less likely to scream at me in front of the neighbors.
We used to be each other's ride-or-d!e, but now I'm his emotional punching bag. I'm am the mirror reflecting back all of his issues, insecurities and misdeeds. I am suddenly his ultimate villain. But with how things are progressing, I'm scared, so I'm done. I feel embarrassed at the things I've tolerated. I am strong, smart, confident, & successful- and yet somehow I'm still in love with this jerk. So as much as this devastates me, while he's out of town to visit his folks, I'm going to call a divorce attorney and get this ball rolling.
I'm in my mid-thirties, and really want to have a child- but that's been on hold until his recovery is stable and trust is rebuilt. My therapist made a good point that is helping me get a little perspective on the larger picture: "You might grieve your marriage, find new love, and start a family with them, all in less time than it could take your husband to find stability."
Any tips or advice, reality checks, or kindred stories as I embark in this process/ next phase of my life is very much welcomed. Thank you all.