Does anyone have experience about a vulnerable narcissist friend? I had a friend since 3rd grade, who I haven’t seen in six years now. I left a friend group because of this one friend.
I am interested in hearing does anyone else have similar experiences and could this friend of mine have some narcissistic qualities to her. I feel like the experiences of most people with narcissists are not this subtle.. sorry for the lengthy post and for the grammar (I am not a native English speaker).
So my friend was quite popular in our friend group and was considered to be humble and caring. Or at least that is what other people in the friend group thought of her. To me she was all of those things in the begginning, but things started to change quite quickly. She would make snide comments about my looks or just the way I was. When I told her to stop, she would just tilt her head and say that she was just trying to make me a stronger person. This was when we were about 10 or 11 years old. She also had some issues with authority.. once she would straight up laugh at my father to his face because he was lying in his bed wearing a bathrobe (I guess it was funny?).
Later (13-15 years old) she would mock me for needing extra teaching in maths and to make it even more humiliating, she made up a song about it and sang it after every maths class.
Later on when we were +20 years old she would make snide comments about my looks (like how my cheeks are big and lips toi small etc.), mimick me while I was eating which later caused me anxiety when eating with other people. She told my boyfriend how nobody thought that I would end up in university and could have a boyfriend like him.
Once she would ask me to accompany her and my sister whom she was sort of estranged from, on a coffee date. I agreed. When we sat down, she acted as if I wasn’t there. Later I asked what was that about and she just said she did nothing wrong because my role was just to sit there quietly ( not her exact words, but I can not translate the saying word to word. The idea was the same though).
At times she would complement me about my looks and another time make a negative comment.
She also had some issues with the relationship I had with my sister. She would say not so nice things about her and ask me to tell my sister. She told me that she was jealous of our relationship.
In 2016 we were at our cabin. I was pregnant at the time ( second in our friend group to have a child). One of our friends was also supposed to be there, but she couldn’t make it due to being sick. Turns out she was pregnant. I told my friends about the news and everyone else was happy, apart from one person. I think you can guess who I’m talking about. Later I called her and asked her if she was ok ( not the first time I called to check on her after a similar incident). She told me that my pregnancy wasn’t a big deal to her because I am not as good of a friend to her than this other friend ( the one who was also pregnant). And that she was concerned what would happen to their friendship now that this friend was also pregnant. I just didn’t know what to say.
After my baby was born, I didn’t see her that much for a while.
In 2019 we were in a bar and she blew up when I suggested we should order a taxi and continue to her place, which was the plan. She started shouting how could I be so selfish. Her boyfriend had not finished his drink and he was apparently taking us home. I should have known and at least let him finish the drink. I went to grab my jacket and when I got back she was talking frantically to her boyfriend and stopped immeadiately when she saw me. When we got to their car they both did not say a word to me. Same silent treatment lasted trough the evening. In the morning she blew up again and accused me of being selfish because I did not want to stay there for breakfast with my boyfriend who came to pick me up with our toddler. We just left.
In august 2020 I got married. She came to the wedding, not smiling or showing any kind of positive emotion. Two weeks before the wedding she announced her pregnancy (the baby was due in december). By that time, I had allready realised that what we had, was not a friendship I would want to continue or at least I was planning to keep a distance to her. So I did my best to put up a smile and make as little contact with her as possible at our wedding. I am pretty sure she noticed this, because usually I was very attentive to her. After the wedding I called her, why you might ask.. I guess I felt like I had to make sure she was ok, with the pregnancy and all. And I also felt guilty for not being more supportive of her in the wedding… The call lasted maybe 2 minutes. Me asking questions and she replying with one sentence and then silence.
When her baby was born, I congratulated her in our friend group chat and asked how things were and she would just ignore my message. Then six months went by in total radio silence.
In 2021 she contacted me on my birthday and behaved as if nothing had happened. Lots of heart emojis in the message(which she had never used with me). I replied to her with quite long messages. Told how things were, but I guess I was quite formal because I just did not wan't to give her the impression that everything was as usual. The messages from her end got shorter and shorter and finally she did not reply to my last message. Since then I have not heard from her nor have I contacted her.
These are just some experiences I had with her.
I have not noticed this kind of behaviour from her towards any other member from our friend group. To me it always seemed like she made extra efforts for other people and was way more nicer towards them. She never behaved badly towards me when our friends were present, only when we were alone, with my sister or with her boyfriend.
The reason I am thingking about this is because I still see some friends from our friend group and this topic has really never been brought up. We have not discussed why I left the group. Although the friend group has shrinked to 3-4 people from the original 7 people so I am not the only one who left. I am meeting one friend from this group soon and I feel like I would like to talk to her about these things, but I guess I need some opinions about my friendship with this person before talking to her.
Thank you if you made all the way through and read my whole story.