I'm sorry this is a relatively long post, I've never considered posting here and we just typically lurk.
So we have been dating the partner for a little over a year now, we keep running into the issue of expectations. They voice expecting everyone to adhere to the same level of 'health' regarding how my system members communicate act and treat each other within the system and them. When we express that part of being a system is people will have different skills sets, healing and learning timeliness, personalities, roles and capabilities. It feels as if it is met with withdrawing behaviours and what feels like hostility. They expect kids, teens, adults and those with different roles to all act the same and treat them exactly the same. They have voiced missing parts who just feel uncomfortable being around front because they cannot meet the expectations and struggle with the reproductions if they slip up. I don't know what we're meant to do, we have parts that are increasingly lonely because they cannot meat expectations and just want to be able to exist without having to adhere to ever changing rules. How do we explain to our partner that not all alters will behave the same and some will struggle more then other in learning new skills and managing things like emotions, heavy conversations and just the general struggles of life and overwhelm etc?
One last thing, alters have changed, figured out what the like and dislike further and learned newer healthier behaviours and therefore changed (for the better) and the partner is voicing missing the old version of that alter and that they are not themselves anymore which is leading to some of us feeling unwanted and hurt, I understand their feeling AND I also know its affecting some of us quite intensly, advice?