u/Inverness07

I just feel like I need to know if I have OCD before I can move onto actually doing things in my life.

My brain doesn't physically let me just sit with 'I have these symptoms I suspect OCD, I cannot be certain, I can still get help for these symptoms'. I feel so physically uncomfortable doing anything, caring about anything without knowing if it is OCD or not.

I have NHS therapy that will start soon but it will not fix everything like a diagnosis will. Like I don't mind if they rule it out, I do mind but any knowledge will be good.

And I feel like I need to know this the same amount I need to understand the meaning(lessness) of life and existence before doing any general actions like showering.

It feels like the same pattern that is part of the reason I suspect ocd and no answer will satisfy that so it feels like a diagnosis won't even help.

I am lost. I have no idea what to do, I am either researching or frozen with discomfort that will not leave me.

It might leave if I use drugs but I just really don't want to use drugs but atp it's harm reduction because I do need to eat / sleep / engage with life.

Tldr;

Im obsessed with knowing if I have OCD or not, professional diagnosis is currently impossible, what like CBT erp technique do I do to calm this obsession.

Not a full success story! But definitely "this med works!!"

I just wanted to shower but I needed to solve the meaning of life to justify my existence and choices I could make before getting up.

I needed to figure out if I had OCD before I ate, drank, did anything, cared about anything.

My friend interrupted my spiral by calling me and we talked about general things which felt insane because I should solve these questions before I even think about anything else.

We realised I forgot to take my fluoxetine for a few days and I remembered how long it's been since I've spiralled like this when it used to be multiple times a day.

I got to realise how much less anxiety I've had recently, how I've been able to go to the gym when I've desperately wanted to for months but have been too scared to even walk to the building.

I only felt a little nervous and scared while going there, and before I would feel terrified just sitting on my bed thinking about the possibility of going to the gym.

I talk to people now and send emails and I'm open and receptive. I'm still anxious don't get me wrong but this medication has done exactly what I wanted? It made life possible.