Anyone else have an overlap between Evangelical Christianity and developing the “fawning” trauma response?
I’ve got a tough history between the Evangelical inherent worthlessness thing and my parents being completely absent and completely smothering at the same time. I lost the ability to know myself because I *had* to be what my parents wanted me to be in order to survive, and I could *only* show the emotions they found acceptable. They shamed me and any part of me that seemed to be individual.
Lost the ability to speak up for myself, to say no, to have preferences, to get angry, really to even be happy. Just a numb little husk.
Anyone else feel that way? Having to always live for someone else. Always. Just submitting and never fighting back. Or always trying to soothe and keep the peace.
**Edit:** Whoops. Forgot to add the general disconnect from self that’s encouraged in Evangelicalism. To constantly be policing your own thoughts and behaviors, questioning every little thing you do **just in case it’s sinful**. For us women, being taught we are inherently worse. Cowing to parents, cowing to men. To fawn *is* to be totally detached.