FH and I have been engaged 2 weeks. At first, I got excited about the idea of a wedding in a year, but just wanted it very simple. Head down the street from the church to his family’s venue we could use for a deal. Under 80 guests, caterers and a DJ I’ve known for years, and done.
Then he wants a minimum 5 people in his party, I really only wanted my best friend to be my bride’s man/man of honor, not a huge issue though and I figured it out.
Then his brother can get a deal on a big wedding DJ in the area he used to work with, and “we can dance on a cloud.” I do not want this, but wasn’t going to put up a fight about the DJ, not a big deal.
Then I realized there are supposed to be speeches from best man, maid of honor, this sounds like absolute torture to me. He says deal with it.
Then he mentioned his groomsmen want to pick a 3 day weekend for his bachelor party. I trust him, I don’t care if he goes to a strip club or whatever, but I think 24 hours is more than enough. I don’t really even care if he goes on a 3 day trip with the guys, I just don’t want to use our wedding as an excuse for it. Or put that expectation on the groomsmen to fund it when they already have to get suits etc, even though he says it’s their idea. I know his best man cannot financially contribute to it, and while we’re fine financially, we’re not go on 3 day Airbnb vacations on a whim fine, so we don’t do those kinds of things for ourselves.
He said what his friends plan for his bachelor party is none of my business, and his brother offered to help plan my bachelorette, too. Hard no. I don’t really want a bachelorette party. I will likely just go to dinner and a show with my bestie and call it a bachelorette party.
Now he says we should do it at this great all inclusive waterfront venue, because he doesn’t want to copy his sister’s wedding venue (the inexpensive family owned option). It is a lovely spot, so I relented and we can set up an appointment. He e-mailed them, and told them we would like to walk through with our “wedding planner.” He meant his brother. I said absolutely not.
I could be happy with a ten person micro wedding. I just want to be married. I don’t want to do any of this stuff. It sounds like a humiliation ritual. And I don’t want to spend $30,000 on it when we could probably do it for half that.
Looking at our list, it seems there is no way to cut this under 50 people. If we invite more than immediate family, we have to invite at least 75.
Any ideas appreciated. How do we find a middle ground on this?