u/Intrepid-Struggle419

I am just honestly so heartbroken to be going through all of this. I never imagined this is where things would end up even as recent as 2 years ago. I feel like I am so incredibly messed up inside now that I won’t ever be able to be happy or something. I know that’s not the case but things get heavy all at once.

My STBXH pours out about how much he loves me and cares for me but him being on FB dating, sexting an ex coworker, and the things he watches say far otherwise. I know this is the right decision but man does it hurt. I have never felt so lowly about myself in my life.

He is an alcoholic and I also believe emotional abuse has been a regular factor in our marriage. My whole body cringes when he tries to touch me. I just want us to be heathy co parents and move on and I’m not even sure that’s possible without me doing all the legwork, but I absolutely would for our child.

Would love to hear some brightness from the other side of this.

Does anyone else get tired of finding out things their STBX/ex spouse did during the marriage? I just keep finding more and more layers to the infidelity and deceit. In a strange way I’m relieved for the confirmation but also still hurtful too. Just a mess regardless. Onward still!

Hi there. I want to start by saying I have talked to an attorney but wondering if I should get a second opinion before telling spouse I want a divorce.

Little back story, I have been a SAHM since day one with our child. Kiddo is not 2 yet. My concern is that while I want a good relationship between kiddo and his dad, I genuinely am concerned about his ability to care for him. He has never fed him a meal, given him a bath, brushed his teeth, done his laundry, or gotten him to bed. He rarely changes him and plays with him etc. I also barely get to shower because he can’t watch him for 15 minutes so I can do so. Not trying to bash him at all it’s just kind of panic mode right now. This is the only thing keeping me here. He’s also never had kiddo alone because he told me flat out he didn’t think he could do it.

Would rotating weekends be fair until kiddo is a little more independent? I say rotating because he just started a job that will require every other weekend working over time for one of the weekend days. I’m also fine with offering him to come by any time after work to see kiddo even during the week or anything like that if he’d like. At this point if we could just split amicably I’d forgo child support, because he drunkenly told me that’s the only reason he was still with me because he couldn’t afford it, but my state won’t allow it.

I’m wanting sole physical and split legal with me having the final say because he has never really taken care of kiddo. The attorney I spoke to seemed to think it would be an issue to get the custody arrangement I mentioned but I see so many 50/50 and I’m just not sure that’s realistic at this stage. I’m not sure where STBX will go after I tell him as we live with my mother currently. Should I seek a second opinion? I want them to have a good relationship and keep things as stable and amicable for all of us but ugh. I feel like the room is spinning when I think about custody.

I want to start this by saying I am not divorced but I am wanting a divorce. I don’t think I’m in a healthy relationship. My spouse and I share a child who is not yet 2. I’m so scared that I will ruin my child’s life if we split. It’s the only thing keeping me here at this point. There’s been so many issues but a few months ago I found out my spouse was sexting with someone and ever since I just can’t get past it. The things said about me and how it was just that we couldn’t “afford to separate” and there was nothing between us just keeps playing on repeat in my head. He claims it’s just because he was drunk but it’s not the first time things like that have happened. Tinder downloaded, messaging other women, soliciting pictures even on Reddit. I feel like a shell of myself and still somehow feel incredibly guilty for even thinking of divorce. It consumes me day and night and just when I think I’ve got the bravery to sit him down and tell him, I get scared and my throat feels like it closes up. We sleep in separate rooms, barely talk, no intimacy. If I try to bring up issues he stonewalls me or just says something hurtful to get away. Used to do couples therapy but he stopped coming to appointments so the therapist dismissed us. Says he didn’t want to admit the sexting because he thought the therapist was always on “my side”. I’m just so miserable and all I want is to be able to co parent in a healthy manner. Is there anyone that has seen that it won’t ruin a kid’s life? I’m a child of divorce and better for it but my parents had such a healthy co parent relationship it never mattered. I’m not sure my spouse will commit to that. I’m scared to tell him we should split. I don’t think he’d hurt me physically but I’m just not sure anymore. He’s a bit unpredictable and while he’s cooled it on drinking now, I expect the cycle to pick up again soon. I’m just tired of this and just need some reassurance I guess that I’m not alone maybe? I’m sorry for the rambling I just had to get something off my chest.