Hi, I’m Suzie, 29, from Aceh. I’m hoping for some tips because this has been affecting me for a long time and I’m honestly not sure what else to do.
When I was at boarding college, I developed a habit that I still haven’t been able to shake, and I’m starting to worry it might be long‑term. It started on my very first afternoon in class. I’d had a large bottle of water earlier, then went straight into a 1–3pm lecture. There was a long queue for the toilets beforehand, and because I was new and didn’t want to be late or make a bad impression, I skipped it and figured I’d just ask to go later.
My parents had sent me to a strict boarding college in Aceh for a three‑year course. I’d been a difficult teenager, and even though I agreed to go, I wasn’t prepared for how rigid the rules were or how strict the discipline could be.
When I asked to use the bathroom, I was refused. I was told I couldn’t leave or ask again, and that toilet breaks were only at fixed times — 7am, 12:30pm, 3pm, and 8:30pm — unless I had a medical or parental note. As the class went on, I got increasingly uncomfortable. I tried to sit still, but the teacher warned me to stop moving or I’d be kept in detention and miss the next break entirely. I tried to explain I didn’t think I could hold it, but I was told there would be consequences if I had an accident.
Shortly after, I lost control and left the classroom in tears. I was sent to the disciplinary office. The punishment that followed was extremely upsetting, and because I was already at my limit, I lost control again during it. Afterwards, I was told to change and return to class.
I’ve never really forgotten that experience.
After that, I started going to the toilet at every opportunity, even when I didn’t really need to, just to avoid being in that situation again. During the rest of college, I still had occasional accidents but tried to manage them privately.
Over time, the habit has become automatic. I now feel the need to go very frequently, often “just in case,” and I get anxious if I don’t. It’s affecting my daily life and confidence, and I still have accidents. It’s embarrassing and exhausting, and I don’t know how to break the cycle.
I’ve tried pelvic floor exercises and spoken to a GP, but nothing has really helped so far. I’m starting to feel overwhelmed and worried that this might not improve.
If anyone has experienced something similar or has any advice on how to manage or treat this, I would really appreciate it