When to let it go
So, my dad is a raging alcoholic. Has been his whole life, I experienced things all through my childhood until I moved out at 18. He has gone through two marriages at this point, and has lost all three of his daughters (myself included). I went through several types of therapy over a 15yr span to mend the damage he caused me growing up, I suffered emotional and physical abuse. Which some of it even spilled over into my early adult life. My dad also has a TBI from his late 20s (he is now 65) and has dealt with seizures for the last 40yrs. Drinking obviously exacerbates that. He is supposed to be on his meds, but when he’s drinking (which is basically all the time) he does not take them.
Over the last four years his alcoholism has gotten out of control and he has had many accidents due to it, and the seizures it causes. He’s wrecked his golf cart multiple times, fallen on a wooden floor and needed stitches on his scalp. Many falls, many abrasions. We had a falling out about 12yrs ago due to personal matters not tied to his drinking, so I rarely even talked to him during that period of time.
Over the last two years, my sisters and I have rallied to try and get him sober, talked to him when we didn’t want to, pleaded with him, visited him against our own judgements. He already deals with DTs and mild alcoholic dementia. Comes up with outlandish stories that never occurred, calls us drunk and repeats the same things dozens of times. He visited me last summer and drank my entire fridge clean of any and all alcohol, got lost in Olive Garden and couldn’t find our table after yelling at the bartender about the price of a shot of tequila.
His accidents/seizures/drinking got so bad last year that we basically had to force him to go to the hospital to medically detox, since doing it himself would kill him, and to go to an inpatient rehab facility. The doctor at the hospital said his brain was shot and if he didn’t stop now then it would only get worse. We told him if he didn’t get sober we would cut off contact with him and he would no longer see us or his grandchildren. The rehab was a six month program and he left after a week claiming “he could do it himself”. The first 90 days he was sober, attended AA five days a week, and then he fell off the wagon again and went back to his old ways. He no longer has his license due to his seizure disorder and he has enablers that will take him to town to buy handles of whiskey and 30pks of beer.
Last weekend he fell down his stairs, broke five ribs and ended up with a compound fracture in his neck. One of his AA buddies found him and he had been laying there for at least 24hrs. They took him to the hospital and the attending physician informed his mother that he has severe physical issues due to his raging alcoholism, he is malnourished and is delusional—even in his sober state. She said he is basically at the end of his life if he doesn’t stop, and even now the damage he has caused his brain is irreversible.
This has been EXTREMELY mentally and emotionally damaging for my sisters and I. And we just can’t take it anymore. We are tired of pleading and arguing with a brick wall. Just last week he told my sister that “everyone dies someday, so you might as well enjoy it and do what you want”. Our grandma told her that the only thing he’s ever cared about in his life is alcohol, it’s always #1.
We feel guilty for abandoning him, and everyone guilt trips us for doing so, you’re supposed to help addicts get through their struggles. But it has been enough for us, we can’t do it anymore.
Is it wrong for us to cut him off? What are we even supposed to do anymore at this point… I need advice, I need help. Please anyone, anybody give me something to go on.